Like today, for instance… I started and stopped a separate post because, in all honesty, it was bringing me down just to write it. Lord only knows how someone would feel reading it! I don’t feel it’s fair to share stuff that is just depressing. I have depression… I don’t want to make it worse for anyone else. Then I wonder if I am doing a disservice to myself to set that post aside if that’s how I really feel. So here I am. I decided to take a different perspective on how I feel to see if that works better.

I have had a pretty up and down time for a while. Physically I still flare, I know this is not going to every go away completely. Life with Fibromyalgia. This Essential Tremor shit is uncool. I mean seriously, what the f*ck? Anxious? Nervous? Worried? Angry? Frustrated? Stressed? Basically ANYTHING that is not calm or relaxed and my head just nods and my hands shake… I have to use my muscles to make it stop. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable or even myself, for that matter. Sometimes I don’t notice it, but that’s pretty rare. I would just prefer noone else notice it… My anxiety? Well, through the roof these days. I keep telling myself… “Give it to God“, but my anxiety keeps telling me “ummmmm, NO!”. (I’d say “Hell NO!”, it just seems wrong in the same sentence as “Give it to God”. Oh wait, I said it anyway.) That battle between me and my anxiety goes on for at least an hour or two throughout every single day. ADD? Yes it’s there, but on average I seem to be managing this okay… and let’s not forget the ever-present black hole… the opening to enter is not big enough for me to fit in at the moment, so I won’t give it much real estate other than to say, fighting Depression is also a daily battle.

Oh! Did I tell you I started the big M? Menopause. No period? No complaints from me! I have discovered a miracle cream though. It seems to help with my mood, maybe a little with the migraines, feels like it’s helping my energy. It doesn’t seem to be a coincidence that I started walking around the same time this cream and I became besties. I don’t like promoting products, but this one has really been one of the few things that I know really helps me. [Pro-Gest Natural Progesterone Cream Paraben Free 2 Oz From Emerita] I don’t want to debate the pros and cons of this specific product, just that if you are experiencing any of the symptoms of menopause, you may want to consider trying a progesterone cream.

I am not sure why I have been afflicted with all these illnesses. I still hope to wake up one day and not have any of this. Hope… Dream… Believe… it does keep me going. We all need to hope, dream, believe about something!

Here’s the main thing. We all wake up (well we certainly hope we will wake up), and some of us struggle to get out of bed, some of us struggle to walk, some of us struggle with the fog that encases our brain… unfortunately some of us struggle with all three of those things and more… but we all start the day with the option to have hope that today will be a good day, to dream that tomorrow will be better, to BELIEVE that we can manage our pain so we can live our lives. If we choose to start the day any other way, we make it so much harder for ourselves. We have to be our own cheerleaders in life. It’s so much better to live rather than just get through another day. It is not easy, but it’s soooo worth it!

Fight those demons, the anxiety monster, the black hole of depression, the little voice whispering in your ear that your pain is too much and you can’t do anything… you can always do something. Be proud of the fact you are able to get out of bed today, that you are able to get dressed … small successes are so much better than feeling like a failure. Kick the ass of this negative shit in your life and empower yourself to be strong.

Noone can take away how special you are or how damn strong you are to deal with this shit every day. Don’t let anyone take away your power.

I admit, I got a little riled up there for a minute, but sometimes we all need a little kick in the ass to remind us that we are special… God chose us to share with those who are suffering that people with pain can and do live a good life. Now go have a great day and live your life!

Thanks for stopping by!

Stay cool.

Tamiko

A couple momentous events have occurred, even since the last time I posted… First, THANK YOU! My blog reached 20,000 hits. I can’t even say that and begin to believe it. 20,000 hits! That’s awesome!! My second, and I should say equally as momentous event is… and I’m going to write this in bold…. I walked 15 miles last week. Let me say that again… I walked 15 miles last week. I have never done this before. I don’t think I have ever walked 5 miles in a week. I walked 1.5 miles at a time in the beginning, sometimes twice a day and at the end of the week I was walking 3 miles straight through. I still can’t believe it.

Let me tell you what I did differently than before:

Views while walking in the rain…

• I purchased some new shoes. I had the same shoes for years… I decided to get some good shoes (Sports Authority, $40 Nikes).
• The first time I walked, I went out by myself. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was a deliberate decision to go alone. I put a podcast on and I walked at my own pace. Which let me tell you… was pretty slow. I walked up the hills with very, very short strides and with my back straight so I wouldn’t put a strain on my shins or back. I took my time. I took in my surroundings and didn’t walk to hurry and get to the end, but I walked to learn how to enjoy being outside and breathing in fresh air.
• Each time after, I kept the same, slow pace being very cognizant to not go overboard with my pace or stride. Learning from my past… Every time I have started walking like this, I ended up getting shin splints and having to stop for weeks… which then resulted in me stopping all together.
• I tracked my walks in an app on my phone… duration, pace, distance (uses GPS). I have a couple of friends that see my activity and we encourage each other. Seeing my accomplishment in this app is very motivational for me.
• I didn’t let the weather stop me… and I was happy that I went out in the rain/ sprinkles… it’s just water!

If I can accomplish these things… YOU CAN TOO!

So, what kind of week do you want to have? I want a good one and it’s in my power to make it happen!

Thanks for stopping by. Have a great week!

Gentle hugz.

Tamiko

P.S. Let me tell you… after I finished writing the content for this posting, I went to insert the picture that you see. I have been tested. It has taken me almost 20… TWENTY minutes to get the picture into this post. I am not complaining, I am saying I have been tested. So… I just practiced my breathing and reminding myself the point of my post. LOL!! :)

I’m not totally thrilled with the themes available in WordPress, so I start thinking… “I should be able to create my own.” Seriously? I sit and think about this for a bit and then realize I am over complicating things once again. So back to the drawing board. Just pick a theme! Okay, check! Theme selected… now I have to customize it. Oh, honestly, I could drag this out for paragraphs. The thought process of implementing a new theme to my blog page and how this brain of mine works. Some scary stuff! At the end, without going into all the crazy details, you can see what I’ve done. Even more challenging is the actual writing. I mean I can attempt to make this thing look as good as I want, but without content, what’s the point? I have had writer’s block for months (as evident by my complete lack of posts for 4+ months). That is not to say I haven’t written anything. I have started many, many posts. Let me say that again, just so you know I really have tried… I have STARTED. Unfortunately, I get an idea… so far so good… I think on it for a little bit… and then POOF! Gone. Sometimes, I even get to the point of sitting down and typing… usually about 25% into it, I completely lose my train of thought. I re-read what I have and just feel like it’s BOOORRRRR-INNNNGGG. So, I shut my laptop and walk away. Frustrated. I decided when I first started to write this blog, that I would not write just to fill the page and post. I only want to share when I actually have something to say. When I need to vent or I feel like information would be useful to others or when I don’t want to feel like I’m the only one with these crazy thoughts, feelings, emotions!

Where has the time gone? August was when I last posted. I have had my good times and bad times over these months, but on the whole… I must say I am doing my best to live. I haven’t had to walk with a cane much and the wheelchair? Getting dusty. Life is always going to bring challenges. The weather is always going to change. There will always be some sad days. I have no control over that stuff. I can only control how I manage my stress, my emotions, what I eat and how much I exercise. The eating part still makes me want to jump off a cliff more than I would like, but I am trying to accept I can’t eat whatever I want. I mean… just because pizza, ice cream, spaghetti, garlic bread, mexican food… let me stop… wait, just let me finish this thought… just because my favorite foods are all enemies to my body… that’s no reason to complain, right? Wellllll… alright, I wont’ complain. Well… I will, just not to all of you. Especially since you are all facing the same stuff I am. I really am trying to find other foods to get excited about. I am not quite there yet… but I have hopes! Soy yoghurt… yay! Kashi Honey Almond Flax chewy granola bars… yay!

Well, at least one thing hasn’t changed. I am still soooo easily distracted! I started out this post with an objective of taking a moment to wish all of you a happy 2013 and congratulate you for making through 2012. Remember to pat yourself on the back for the small wins as well as the big ones. I am happy when I can get out of bed and shuffle to the bathroom in the morning… lol!

I hope you have your 2013 goals all ready to be achieved!I completed my new year’s project in January… new year, new goals:

Until next time… have a pain-free day!

Tamiko