I have learned so much in the last 18 months. Things I could have gone a lifetime without learning… and quite frankly been okay. In the last 5 years I have been to the doctor off and on so many times I have lost count. I have felt stupid, crazy, frustrated… but for all of you out there who have gone through this experience, I don’t have to tell you. You already know. You have the F word too… FIBROMYALGIA.
Once you are diagnosed with the F word, you may feel like you are getting closure but it’s really only the beginning of your next F phase… FRUSTRATION. You thought you were getting out of that phase… but NO! At least not me. This, I have found out, is a medical condition that has no cure, no visible signs that you are not well and has not been 100% accepted by the medical field. WONDERFUL. “Welcome to the the F world people, hang on to your seats, this is going to be a rough ride!”
Whenever I see people who know I am not feeling well, I feel like I should look like shit so people will accept that I feel like shit. I should paint all of the places on my body that hurt a bright pink so that it will be obvious. Instead, my lucky ass, gets to be the one who can no longer finish the simplest sentences or remember what I was doing 5 minutes ago or even 5 seconds ago. Noone gets that brain fog has anything to do with the F word, people just think I’m stressed out, exhausted or just stupid. My foggy brain is a world I seem to live in 99% of my life these days… I can remember when I was smart. I can remember the days when I could actually train a room full of adults. Today, I’d have to play charades just to get through my first sentence presenting to a room full of first graders! So now you know my 3rd F word for today… FOGGY.
What I really hate? All the support groups that I went to online thinking there would be good ideas to help me feel better. What I found were too many online support groups with a bunch of sad people talking about how miserable they are… in the end I got horribly depressed. Not to mention all those F’ING (my 4th F word for today) QUACKS trying to sell the miracle drugs that will cure us in 6 weeks or less! Seriously… I’m in pain and in a brain fog… I AM NOT COMPLETELY STUPID!! These people have got to be stopped. I mean seriously… put the money towards research..
So what am I telling all this for? After taking 5 years to get diagnosed… 18 months after being diagnosed to finally get into a treatment program… that is 6 1/2 years of my life. That’s pure craziness! I am ready to take control and help others as well. Blogging seems to be the thing these days. I just wanted a place for me to share my journey with this crazy thing called Fibromyalgia.
This is my first blog and I hope it helps others. I am here to learn, share and network. I hope you share with me as well…
Thank you for reading!