Words to Help You Get Through the Day

I had the privilege of guest posting on ProHealth this month. I hope you enjoy!

ProHealth: Words to Help You Get Through the Day

Also… I thought I’d include an old post from three years ago so the page wouldn’t be so empty… :)

Fight! Live YOUR Life!

February 16, 2013

How many posts do you start and stop before you get to the one that you feel is okay to publish? Having a blog is like writing in your diary… except I left my diary open on a table… in a restaurant… and people are walking by, picking it up and reading it. It’s scary and strange and cool all at the same time. It’s very cool to know that my feelings and experiences are interesting or helpful to others. It’s also difficult. Difficult because I always want to be real, true, honest… and it’s not always easy to be those things.

Like today, for instance… I started and stopped a separate post because, in all honesty, it was bringing me down just to write it. Lord only knows how someone would feel reading it! I don’t feel it’s fair to share stuff that is just depressing. I have depression… I don’t want to make it worse for anyone else. Then I wonder if I am doing a disservice to myself to set that post aside if that’s how I really feel. So here I am. I decided to take a different perspective on how I feel to see if that works better.

I have had a pretty up and down time for a while. Physically I still flare, I know this is not going to every go away completely. Life with Fibromyalgia. This Essential Tremor shit is uncool. I mean seriously, what the f*ck? Anxious? Nervous? Worried? Angry? Frustrated? Stressed? Basically ANYTHING that is not calm or relaxed and my head just nods and my hands shake… I have to use my muscles to make it stop. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable or even myself, for that matter. Sometimes I don’t notice it, but that’s pretty rare. I would just prefer noone else notice it… My anxiety? Well, through the roof these days. I keep telling myself… “Give it to God“, but my anxiety keeps telling me “ummmmm, NO!”. (I’d say “Hell NO!”, it just seems wrong in the same sentence as “Give it to God”. Oh wait, I said it anyway.) That battle between me and my anxiety goes on for at least an hour or two throughout every single day. ADD? Yes it’s there, but on average I seem to be managing this okay… and let’s not forget the ever-present black hole… the opening to enter is not big enough for me to fit in at the moment, so I won’t give it much real estate other than to say, fighting Depression is also a daily battle.

Oh! Did I tell you I started the big M? Menopause. No period? No complaints from me! I have discovered a miracle cream though. It seems to help with my mood, maybe a little with the migraines, feels like it’s helping my energy. It doesn’t seem to be a coincidence that I started walking around the same time this cream and I became besties. I don’t like promoting products, but this one has really been one of the few things that I know really helps me. [Pro-Gest Natural Progesterone Cream Paraben Free 2 Oz From Emerita] I don’t want to debate the pros and cons of this specific product, just that if you are experiencing any of the symptoms of menopause, you may want to consider trying a progesterone cream.

I am not sure why I have been afflicted with all these illnesses. I still hope to wake up one day and not have any of this. Hope… Dream… Believe… it does keep me going. We all need to hope, dream, believe about something!

Here’s the main thing. We all wake up (well we certainly hope we will wake up), and some of us struggle to get out of bed, some of us struggle to walk, some of us struggle with the fog that encases our brain… unfortunately some of us struggle with all three of those things and more… but we all start the day with the option to have hope that today will be a good day, to dream that tomorrow will be better, to BELIEVE that we can manage our pain so we can live our lives. If we choose to start the day any other way, we make it so much harder for ourselves. We have to be our own cheerleaders in life. It’s so much better to live rather than just get through another day. It is not easy, but it’s soooo worth it!

Fight those demons, the anxiety monster, the black hole of depression, the little voice whispering in your ear that your pain is too much and you can’t do anything… you can always do something. Be proud of the fact you are able to get out of bed today, that you are able to get dressed … small successes are so much better than feeling like a failure. Kick the ass of this negative shit in your life and empower yourself to be strong.

Noone can take away how special you are or how damn strong you are to deal with this shit every day. Don’t let anyone take away your power.

I admit, I got a little riled up there for a minute, but sometimes we all need a little kick in the ass to remind us that we are special… God chose us to share with those who are suffering that people with pain can and do live a good life. Now go have a great day and live your life!

Thanks for stopping by!

Stay cool.

Tamiko

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2 thoughts on “Words to Help You Get Through the Day

  1. I have been suffering with severe brain fog for 6 years (I am 22 years old and female). My brain fog has gradually gotten worse over the years. At first I didn’t really think much of it, but after a few years of progressively feeling “weirder”, I knew I needed to see a doctor and discuss these problems I was having (and at the time I didn’t even know what brain fog was). It all started in my senior year of high school when something “just felt off”. I felt like sometimes I would catch my self completely spaced out staring at something and then all of the sudden my balance would get thrown off and I would almost fall over. It also felt like my vision was getting worse and I couldn’t see things as clearly as I used to. It felt like something in my brain had just turned off. In addition, I had almost no energy and felt the need to take long naps everyday after school and had such a hard time waking up in the morning. This is when I started drinking coffee and it made mornings so much easier but still something just didn’t feel right. I went away to college after my senior year and I have to admit, I did start drinking alcohol A LOT and basically only eating foods in the cafeteria such as pizza and other high carbohydrate foods. I would get INTENSE hangovers, like way worse than usual. I had to sleep at least 10-12 hours a night in order to wake up refreshed each day. That year, I felt like I was getting very shaky/ anxious, and not just with my mood, like it actually felt like my body was shaking from within and I was about to have a seizure. I can remember certain occasions where I was sitting in class and I had to hold on to the desk because I constantly felt like I was just going to seize out and fall to the floor. From this point, I started only sitting in seats in class where I could lean against a wall and lean my head back. For a small period of time, college had gotten really stressful (but honestly not for too long). I began getting into some trouble due to drinking and partying but I got it under control fast. As you can imagine, drinking was making my symptoms 100x worse so I began to cut down on how much I would drink. At this point in my life I am probably a year and a half without alcohol (with a drink or two rarely here and there).

    Let me list my symptoms before I continue:

    Inability to concentrate
    Inability to think and solve problems
    Feels like my brain is in a cloud separating me from reality
    Feeling of being mentally detached from the world and a physical detachment between my body and brain
    I can never come up with the words to say to people
    I have become very antisocial as it is very hard to socialize and meet new people
    Other than a few close friends and my boyfriend and family, I do not talk to people because it honestly makes me very nervous (which is totally unlike me). I used to be super outgoing before this and I loved everyone! I still do love people and really want to talk to people but I just cannot find the words to say…..
    Very low energy/ fatigue
    Constant state of fog (this does not come or go, I feel this way 24/7)
    Mental confusion
    Lack of clarity
    Feeling like my mind needs to break through a wall in order to be back to normal
    Some memory problems but nothing too severe
    Basically ZERO reading comprehension
    Everything just feels like it isn’t real
    Spaced out/ zoned out
    Everything seems so close yet so far

    When I was probably 20 is when I really started to seek professional help because I was actually nervous that I was slowly dying. I first saw my primary care doctor and discussed all of my symptoms with him and basically got the look of you’re crazy and this isn’t real. He prescribed allergy medicine, anxiety medicine, and recommended that I see a shrink and talk about my stress. I also got an inhaler and was told I had asthma? Honestly I didn’t see the need to talk to a therapist because I wasn’t depressed or stressed at the time. I honestly felt like everything in my life was perfect besides that fact that my brain wasn’t working normally. But nevertheless I took the medicine he prescribed but did not see any results after a few months so I stopped. He recommended that I see an ENT to get tested for vertigo and imbalance problems, but these tests came back normal too. Then I began to think maybe this isn’t real? Maybe this is just life? I began going on with my normal life thinking that this should just go away in time.

    About a year ago I started taking this seriously again and realizing that this isn’t just going to go away on its own. I began to think that maybe I have a brain injury, or had a concussion that I didn’t know about from some drunken related injury. I then saw a neurologist and had an MRI. My results were fine and he gave me the same look like I am crazy and overreacting about life and sent me on my way with no answers. This made me so angry. I knew I wasn’t crazy and I knew there was something seriously wrong, but WHAT? I just want to know what it is so badly!

    I was able to graduate college with a 3.7 GPA but honestly don’t remember too much of what I’ve learned or how I even passed. One day, I spoke to my college roommates doctor (who is a functional neurologist) at a birthday party (small back story– my roommate had a concussion and has been experiencing brain fog also). Her doctor told me to try a gluten free diet. I did a lot of research on gluten and I honestly thought this was it, it sounded like exactly what I needed. I ate gluten free for about 4 months and then realized that a lot of gluten-free foods were very high in carbohydrates and other processed substances. SO then I made the very brave decision to go on a completely paleo diet. I was only eating fruits, vegetables, meat, nuts, eggs…..no dairy, no gluten, no soy, no anything good basically. This was very hard for me as I ate brownies and pizza almost everyday. I also am not overweight, I have been roughly 115-120lbs since middle school. After a few months of this new paleo diet I was feeling no differences really. The only thing that this diet has improved is not felling like I need to sleep 12 hours each night, and my body no longer feels so shaky. My energy and sleep quality has honestly improved but this brain fog is still ever so present.

    This takes us up until about a month ago when I started looking into Candida. I should mention that I do endless hours of internet searching each day trying to figure out what is wrong with me. A Candida Overgrowth kind of sounded like it was it. But this required zero sugar which caused me to cut fruit out of my diet. I probably have the most boring meals ever and I honestly do not enjoy eating like this. All I want is a brownie and milk….. Anyways I recently got tested at my gynecologist for candida overgrowth. My urine test came back negative and I was so disappointed. Although, I was reading online that many times these tests come back negative and that it is very difficult to test for Candida. I recently stopped drinking coffee and it is making me even more depressed with no energy.

    I also feel like I need to constantly eat all day long and if I stop for like an hour and a half I start to get very spaced out and nervous and my brain fog gets much worse. The lowest point in this whole process is when I was driving home from work one night after not eating for probably 3 hours. I was stopped at a red light and I completely blacked out for about 5 seconds. Next thing I knew I was in the middle of the intersection with a car who had just slammed on its breaks in front of me to prevent hitting me. This was probably the scariest moment of my life but I had absolutely no recollection of what just happened and how I got into the middle of the intersection.

    At this point in my life I am almost 23 years old and I know that I should not be feeling this awful in my early 20’s and I just have no idea what is wrong with me. I hate seeing doctors because they always make me feel 10x worse coming out because they make me feel like I am a hypochondriac. I feel very hopeless at this point and I feel like this is never going to go away or it will take 10 years to get rid of. I have never wanted so badly just to be a normal person and to be able to think. I recently quit my job because I literally cannot function in society. I began meditating but this is the last thing I can think of to do to help me. It feels like there is a curtain that needs to go up for this to go away and then I would be the happiest person in the world.

    I would appreciate if anyone has any suggestions to what could me wrong with me. I am ever so hopeless and discouraged about life and really don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to be free from this. Thank you for listening!

    • Hi Elise –

      I apologize for the delay in responding. I am so sorry you are going through all this. I am not a doctor, but I would suggest, based on my personal experience that you should keep pushing until you get some type of answer. I have gotten the “you are crazy” look from doctors for many years now. It’s never going to go away… unfortunately. I had it today, in fact. You just can’t let the doctors off the hook… I agree with you… you are too young to have these issues without a reason behind it. Have you had your blood sugar tested? Do you have diabetes in your family?

      I am happy to be a sounding board for you, someone to vent to… feel free to send me an email.
      Best of luck.
      Tamiko

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