Blue skies and windy outside and I am still laying down for the fourth day in a row. I think I have become a professional facebook gamer. It’s a good enough distraction from the pain, but it is starting be a constant reminder that I am doing nothing.
I stare outside the window and pretend I’m looking at the ocean. I wish I were scrapbooking or capable of reading a book. For all the hours I have sat and played facebook games, I could have completed many scrapbooks or read books that could enrich my life! It’s my life wasting away and it is THE MOST frustrating experience ever. I’m too anxious to read and I’m in too much pain to sit and scrapbook.
The last 3 days I have been in a deep depression. I feel like I am in a dark cave and I can’t see my way out. The fibro Twitter gang that I follow have been great! I feel like they can relate to what’s going on. My friends are worried and I feel incredibly sad about that, I just don’t know what to say or do. My husband is worried and I’d like to just snap my fingers and feel better. It just doesn’t work that way. I have to claw my way back to the light that is reality and make myself feel again. I feel broken.
I know I will have days that are good and days that are bad. I’m looking for my next good day to come soon…
Thanks for reading… stay cool!
my foggy brain 
your new friend is worried too.
Oh boy, do I hear you! Now I’m not saying I always manage to practice what I preach, but I think what you need to do right now is to let go of the guilt. It is not your fault that your illness lets you do nothing. This is not something you can control and it’s not a sign of “giving up” to accept that doing nothing is doing the best you possibly can – in fact, if nothing is what it takes to make you feel even 1% better, then it irrefutably is the very best thing to do. Besides, lightening the psychological burden, should, in theory, lighten the whole load. That way, you can focus on thinking and doing only those things (which might still be nothing) that will help you to relax, rest and recover and bring the good days around sooner. Hugs.
Thank you so much for your comment! This is such a tough condition and it’s so nice to hear from folks who know what it’s like to manage through the bad days. Your words mean a lot and make so much sense! I will go back to them the next time I am having a black day… Hugs right back atcha!