Turn Up the Music!

I can remember when I was a teenager blasting music as loud as I could to tune the world out. It worked then and it works now. If I turn the music up to just the right decibel I swear it makes everything in the world seem juuussstttt fine. I remember waiting until my parents would leave the house and turning the stereo up REALLY loud, closing my eyes and just laying on the floor or writing in my journal or chillaxin’…

These days I have to remember, I’m the parent now. I’m the one who’s supposed to be saying “TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN!!!”. Sometimes, like right now, I want to turn the music up so loud the roads shake and the cars jump up and down. I want this damn pain to go away. I am so very tired. I am so frustrated. This pain makes everything so much harder. I hate that people feel bad for me. I never know what to say when my friends ask how I’m doing… I mean, I know I’m not doing fine, but I don’t want to sound like Wendy Whiner so I say “I’m alright”.  Sometimes I just want to say “I feel like shit, I feel like I just got a ‘beat in’ initiation into a gang… the fibro gang. What a fucked up gang that would be. I feel like I’m black and blue all over. I feel like my bones are broken. You can’t see any of this on the outside. I can feel it though. This fibro shit is crazy. I gotta tell you… you gotta have faith in your God to get through this shit. Excuse my language. I’m a little out of control tonight. Just feel the need to vent a little.

It’s difficult to keep all the things in life balanced and working. Life. Marriage. Work. Family. Personal. Health. Throw these things up in the air… which one do you catch first and which ones get dropped? I tell you, I roll out of bed in the morning and start working and I probably work a good 10-12 hours a day these days. I am actually pretty darn focused. Would I actually “catch” work though or would it fall slowly to the floor… interesting question. Scary proposition. Is it possible to catch all of them? It is impossible to multi-task, so something has to give. One can only focus on one thing at a time. Given there’s only 24 hours in a day (now you understand why most of my posts go out after midnight!) if 10-12 are spent working, 5-6 are sleeping, there’s roughly 6 hours left to focus on everything else. Hmmmmmmm. I better take a look at my Maintenance Plan I came up with from my Level II Pain class. I definitely have a problem of “pacing” myself. I can’t seem to work just a “little” bit.

I think I better turn up the music and think about this for a while…

Thank you so much for reading and please leave me a note. I love to hear from you!

Stay cool!

5 thoughts on “Turn Up the Music!

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Turn Up the Music! « my foggy brain -- Topsy.com

  2. Awesome blog! YEa, I hate the “How are you doing?” question from friends and family…I feel like yelling..”SAME AS I AM ALWAYS FREAKING DOING!!! CRAPPY! i AM HURTING ALLOVER! THIS IS FOREVER! NEVER ENDING PAIN!” But I know they mean well……ugh.

    It is so hard to juggle everything in life when you are suffering constantly….I only work part time and can barely handle that! Plus a teen daughter and a grown son….husband, 2 dogs….friends/social life….it is HARD somedays just to move, much less be a circus juggler! ;)

    Thanks for sharing…oh yea, and the loud music….hell yea! Turn it up! Chillax! :D

    • Thank you so much for the comment, it’s so nice to hear from you! My son graduates from high school this year and I have a tweenage daughter… whew! Life certainly gets in the way when you just want to get through the day! :) Thanks for stoppin’ by! ((hugs!))

  3. ((hugs))

    I have been there working a full day and trying to take care of family. It is a hard juggle for sure and things are going to fall to the floor.

    I lost my juggle with the farm. I am focusing now on writing my books and helping my good friend with Escape Into Life art webzine.

    Days like today when my pain flairs I do turn up the music just to push through the pain. I hope you are able to pace yourself so you my juggle your life easier.

    Take care and don’t forget to breathe *smiles*

    • That’s so funny! I just left a comment on your latest blog post! I’m thinking of you and wishing you some pain-free days. Thank you so much for your kind words. Breathing is definitely key to getting through the day… it’s so easy to forget… and sleeping, which I wish I could do right now! Seems learning how to pace is much harder than I ever imagined…

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