How do you start your day? If it starts out good or bad, does that determine how the rest of your day will go? Do you have the ability to turn your bad day around if and when it turns sour?
I tell you… with chronic depression, it’s like climbing up Mt. Everest carrying a 100 lbs. of cement on my back to turn a bad day — to good. Some days it just doesn’t work out. Some days the depression just hangs around like the cloud of dirt around Pigpen. Some days I am able to turn it around.
Yes, I take medication. I take medication to help me manage my pain, my depression and to help me sleep. I remember what it was like without medication. I know I don’t want to go back to those days. I hate putting these pills into my body. Every time I have to refill my pill boxes, I hate it. It cause me to go down a bit, but I have to remember that in the end it helps me. I sleep better, It helps me walk, work, spend time with my family… it helps me be human.
I worked about 70 hours this past week. I had a colleague tell me on my fourth work day at our business dinner, when I finally gave in and used my cane, that I didn’t need to use my cane, that I had walked fine all day without it. Nice. It still kills me to have to use a cane, and it’s always nice to get comments like that on top of my own pride. By Friday I could barely stand up. A few hours into the day I just lost it and during the meeting started to tear up. Really nice. Nothing like being in so much pain and so exhausted you just can’t do anything but cry… while at work with your entire management team.
How do you recover on these days? I’m not sure I did on those days. Exhaustion is difficult to recover from without just laying down and going to sleep. It’s Sunday now and I have spent the last 48 hours since coming home from work on Friday basically in a complete fog. I have either been asleep or laying down only to get up to go watch my daughter’s soccer game and to take her to the store. To go watch her game was so fucking painful, I really had a hard time even watching. So five days of work, 2 days of sleep. Normally tomorrow I’d be going back to work, thankfully I am on spring break with the kids. This has been my schedule for the last few months.
So… again… how do you recover on these days?
- You pray
- You rest
- You give yourself a break
- You relax and take care of yourself
- You smile
- You laugh
- You remember it’s just one minute, one hour, one day… you don’t look past right now
That’s what I need to do.
Take care of you.
Thank you for stopping by… please share with me how you recover.
OMG sugar, how the hell do you do it? I work less than 30 hours a week, and on my days off I’m lucky to manage washing the dishes and getting the laundry done. You are flat-out IMPRESSIVE, and if you need your cane after all that, screw anyone who has an issue with it.
Sorry it has taken my so long to reply! I just worked through the pain and did a lot of meditating and breathing exercises. I also did a lot of visualization and kept my mind totally focused on the work… which is probably why at the end of the week I had a complete FLARE UP!!
Sometimes I can work through it, other times I FLARE my way through the following week. This time I FLARED my way through my vacation… bummer, but I still didn’t let it ruin my vacation. :)
Thanks for leaving my the comment and the kind words!! I loved reading them!! Please come back and visit again!!
Hang in there. Even I am pushing through a hard day trying to climb that mountain. I take it slow taking a stab at doing something, anything then see how I feel. If I do not improve I go back to resting. With a chest cold on top of everything else, I have responsibilities I can not put aside. I will eventually get to them. Maybe not until dinner time, but I will work at it slowly and be happy with whatever I can do. Saving the next thing for tomorrow. I laugh at how hard others think they have it when they do not know me.
Taking it slow is all we can do. Family, friends and colleges must understand. I do not even think twice about using my cane when I need to. Before I was unable to work, I did use my cane to get around the office. It is just a fact of life for us. Others need to learn to understand. And they will. For those who don’t, they are just ignorant.
… and YOU are the reason why I blog! Teia, you made me smile, maybe for the first time today. Thank you so much! I love your response and how much we can relate to each other… thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!!