To those who are family and friends of Fibromites –
I am a Fibromite. You don’t know me, I hope you allow me this moment to share with you how it feels to be me. I am not here to complain. I am not here to vent. I am here to help you understand.
I have Fibromyalgia.
It is a diagnosis. It is not a life sentence. It does not define me.
When you ask, “How are you?”
My honest answer is, “I am in pain.” but I will no doubt say, “I am fine.”
Look at me. I appear fine on the outside.
Come closer, I walk with a cane. I am in extreme pain. If you talk to me, I have a hard time finding the words to form a sentence at times. My memory, well I don’t rely on it. Look at me.
I struggled for 5 years before I was diagnosed.
5 years. Back doctors, foot doctors, Internal medicine, Scans, X-Rays, doctor visit after doctor visit… and feeling frustrated, alone, helpless, desperate.
What does it Feel Like?
It is different for everyone. My arms and legs are heavy and when I try to move them it’s like they have been beaten to a pulp. They shake at will. My feet at times feel like they are asleep, but multiply that nerve pain x 100. My shoulders and neck are sore, just really super sore – like they are saying “please whatever you do…. don’t move” and the side affects from my meds are making my vision go awry. My jaw is sore. It feels like I went through a cycle in the dryer… got hit by a car… did a flip on a trampoline and landed on cement… I’m thinking you get my drift.
What’s that? You ask if I am available for dinner? When?
I hesitate. Planning is never easy for me. How do I know if that damn flare will appear or not? How many time times have I had to cancel? Too many to count.
Where Am I?
I am home. I like to pretend I am “relaxing”. I sleep and I rest. I am safe at home. I don’t have to pretend I am not in pain or have energy. I don’t have to hold my head up. Sometimes it’s lonely.
“I worry about you”
I hear you. I do not want you to worry about me. I do not want you to feel sorry for me. I want you to support me. Exercise with me. Push me to do the right thing for my health and when I’m down, laugh with me.
All Good Things Come in 3’s
I haven’t met a Fibromite who only has Fibromyalgia. I also have Major Depression and ADD. I have my down days and I feel like someone stole my palm tree away from my beach. I can get distracted while, wait a minute did you see that? I hate taking my meds twice a day… every single flippin’ day. Don’t ask me to do the same thing over and …. oh what a pretty butterfly! I am tellin’ you, what a trio of conditions God has gifted me with!
Although life is not always easy, this is the life I was gifted. I accept it and so must those in my life. I have a great support system and those around me are wonderful.
I hope you have learned something from my thoughts today. Please leave your comments and thank you for stopping by!