It’s been exactly one month since I last posted to my blog. I haven’t been here. I haven’t checked my blog, I haven’t been on Twitter, I haven’t been social networking much at all. I have just been trying to live and take every day as a new day. My new life without meds. This is very new and uncharted (honestly I thought the word was “unchartered”, but it’s apparently not a word) territory for me. I have been on some type of medication for as long as I can remember. Meds for depression, meds for pain, meds for insomnia, meds for migraines… Lordy! There is definitely a prescription for every ailment. It’s super crazy when you think about it. The pharmaceutical companies definitely make money off us chronic pain / depressed folk!
Since going off my daily meds, I take Flexeril for muscle pain every 2-3 days. I like it because I don’t have to take it everyday and there’s no side effects if I DON’t take it, and the big benefit for me is it knocks me out at night. Not having that requirement to take a pill every day and multiple times throughout the day is incredibly important to me. I have had so much crap in my body for so long, it’s nice to only take pills when things get really really bad.
My head is so much more clear since going off the meds. There’s the good and the bad with this. I have reality in my face at all times. Who wants that? LOL! Honestly, my reality NOW, is so different than it was on those meds. I am doing a hell of a lot of self-talk, let me tell you! It takes a lot more to maintain a stress-free life in this new world.
… and did I tell you? Oh my gosh!! Stress is the daily devil I fight. Now, when I get stressed, my body retaliates like nobody’s business. Instant pain or instant headache or instant upset stomach… or my very favorite – instant emotional breakdown (ya gotta love those), etc. This stress stuff is no joke. Living and thinking like those professional “be happy” people is not easy. “Don’t sweat the small stuff!”, really? Live my life and let’s see YOU not sweat the small stuff. Sometimes the small stuff just gets me flippin’ frustrated and yes, I stress (I am human y’know). I am not saying it happens everyday, but it only takes ONE TIME and my body is like, “eff you! I’m retaliating!”. Don’t even get me started about what I would define as the “big stuff”. I think we can all agree, stress sucks.
Where was I… oh yeah, my head is clear – let’s not go crazy, I’m not ummmmm, “normal” like I once was pre-FMS (as is evident by my ADD writing you are reading right now). This is my new “normal”. I can do my job and feel pretty good about it vs. doing my job and wondering if I was making any sense a lot of the times. Towards the end, the drugs seriously, and I mean SERIOUSLY (in caps and super duper bold) fucked. me. up. (excuse my language but I need to be aggressive with this)! It still scares the crap out of me to look back on those last couple of months. I know I have harped on this, but I cannot imagine how many people are on drugs and the side effects are doing more damage than the actual illness they are trying to treat. That was definitely the case for me (can ya tell?).
I am ready to start with a different regimen. Exercise, good healthy food and targeted vitamins and supplements. I know this is not some crazy new idea – but for me those first two have always been challenging for me. It’s time I stop screwing around and really make a go of this.
I have noticed lately sugar definitely effects me nowadays. This is not cool. I mean seriously, I have the world’s craziest sweet tooth these days and every time I try to eat something sweet – BANG! upset stomach and a headache. Really, really, REALLY uncool. Fibromyalgia, depression, ADD and now sugar is a problem. Awesome.
I also tried the gluten-free diet… annnnndddd as my God-daughter says, “I think Godmommy needs the gluten back”. I actually was feeling worse… weird, right? I never said my stuff made any sense. It’s damn confusing to me all these different diets, vitamins, supplements, approaches, eat this-not that… ARGH!
Well, I would love to hear what you are going through and please share your experiences. It always makes me feel better to know I’m not the only one.
Thanks for stopping by! Stay cool!
Have to say this is my very first participation in a blog!
I have been off meds for many years as I had so much frustration with the side effects and in my opinion they all outweighed any benefit.
I was finally diagnosed with FMS 18 years ago and began the drug gambit for several years before I finally gave up trying any of them and for that matter completely gave up on doctors for a very long time.
What I found very interesting was when I began meeting people in their homes to help them with health insurance and ran across many people with FMS and over and over again I was amazed to find they were on a list of meds a mile long and they were all shaking zombies! Every time my thought was, “is this really a better way to live?” It just continued to confirm my own feelings that I was far better off without any drugs.
The only things that I find really work are massage and hot tub. Unfortunately I can’t afford massage these days but I have had a hot tub for the past 11 years and it is my saving grace! I would highly recommend one to anyone dealing with FMS.
I have not tried and am not willing to try the new drugs out on the market for FMS as I have heard the long list of possible side effects and don’t care to venture down that road again.
I haven’t seen a doctor in a couple years and don’t care to go there either; it really doesn’t matter what I would go in for I got really sick of hearing, “well that is just part of your fibromyalgia” so why go anymore!
Attitude also plays a huge roll I decided from the beginning that I was not going to allow FMS to run my life. I do what I want to do and know that I will pay for it the next day or two but I think it is better to live in pain than not to live at all I refuse to be the couch potatoe using FMS as an excuse. The pain may be severe and quite the annoyance but it will never stop me from participating in life.
Lyndi – I am really honored to be the first! :) I have found this and many other fibro blogs have helped me get through some very difficult times. I agree with you and your comment about doctors, I haven’t given up though. I have found a really good group of doctors at Kaiser who truly understand FMS (took me YEARS to find these folks) and I have also relied on them to help in my success. My pain nurse and counselor were more than happy that I decided to go off my meds. They are also big believers in the power of mind as well as body.
It’s not an easy path all the time, but I am learning all the time.
I love that you took the time to tell me your experiences.
WoW! I didn’t get a chance to tell you how good & Healthy you looked on Saturday. You didn’t even have a Cane, not that that would make me love you any less. This is the first Blog I have ever read of yours & I am blown away by the honesty. I love you sis and whatever you are doing? Keep it up.
I love you too!!!!
I’m thinking about you…I’m proud of you for seemingly ceaselessly working towards a better today for yourself.
The best thing (for me) to handle the emotional swings and the desperately difficult task of being aware of all your feelings is a good therapist for a period of time. Not an endless thing, but a place for a finite time where you can take your experiences and feelings and responses and hold them up to a shared light. And I’m sure it’s cheaper than the meds you were on.
I believe in you. And I hope/pray/wish for continually improving health for you.
So very kind of you to take the time to leave me a comment. I really appreciate your kind words. It’s been very cool to keep in touch and your posts on FB always make me smile. :)
Stay healthy and relaxed!