I am seriously thinking about…
the days when I never thought about being sick.
when I was young and everything new seemed so “cool”!
the days when my most difficult decision each day was, “What the hell am I going to wear today?“
what it would be like to live in a beach house and hear the sounds of the ocean as I go to sleep and wake up in the morning.
what my life would be, had I made different choices.
what choices I have at my age… seriously, what choices do I have?
without prescription drugs, what are the chances I can survive?
could I go a week without sugar?
what life in my house would be like without tv.
if I could reverse 3 choices in my life, what would those be?
what is love?
do I even know what “normal” feels like anymore? Is there such a thing? Will I ever feel it again? Did I ever feel it to begin with?
are dreams attainable?
is there such a thing as a perfect relationship?
are we defined by what we do? how we live? what we believe in?
does pain push me to depression or does depression push me to pain?
All these random thoughts come and go. Obviously not in any kind of logical way… let’s not forget “MY FOGGY BRAIN” is my name. They are all just random thoughts. Tonight is the first time I have actually thought about anything other than being sick in a long time.
I have been really sick. I didn’t even know it until this week. From my last post, I thought I was doing so well. I didn’t realize I had a migraine – and one that seemed to have lasted for weeks. I have been detoxing from Topiramate and Cymbalta and I took weeks to taper off the both of them. I noticed immediately the benefit of getting off the Topiramate since the suicidal thoughts and feelings went away immediately, suddenly, as if someone snapped their fingers and my brain just woke up – SNAP! Suicidal thoughts? GONE!
The Cymbalta on the other hand has given me way more problems, I assume this is why so many folks have found ways to provide their feedback – one way or another.
This past Sunday, and up until last night, I had this pounding headache, dizziness, nausea, sensitivity to light — I never put together that it all pointed to migraine. I just assumed it was a side effect from the tapering off of the meds and it would go away. I was completely WRONG on the “going away” assumption. Four days of this shit and finally I contacted my doctors. Last night I ended up at the doctor’s office receiving a Toradol shot in one thigh and a shot of Phenergan in the other thigh…. ummmm…. ouch! But let me tell you! The “ouch” from the shots was well worth the end result!
For the first time in months, I was able to actually SLEEP. You heard me. I finally slept for the first time in months! You fibromites out there know what I am talking about. Sleep? This is an enemy on most nights when we all want it to be our best friend. The best part of the deal? Let me say this really, really loud because I need to scream it from the roof tops… “NO FUCKING NIGHT SWEATS!” Whew! Glad to get that off my chest. I did NOT wake up 4 or 5 times in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and wondering what the hell just happened! I slept right on through. I didn’t just feel like I ran a marathon, no adrenaline filled dreams… I actually slept. Miracle! Apparently the night sweats I have been experiencing are related to the migraine I had? Very strange, but whatever. I’ll take it. As long as it stops or has stopped, I am ecstatic!
Here’s the thing… I was so used to having headaches, upset stomach, dizziness, completely active/ vivid dreams, night sweats… you get the picture. I didn’t think that it was anything more than the side effects of my illness(es). When I talked to the doctor last night and he was like “I believe what you are experiencing is a trigger migraine. You’ve had it for weeks.” I thought to myself… “NO WAY!” How could this be? So, it’s not specifically a side effect of Fibromyalgia, but it is a side effect of detoxing from the meds.
I took a leap and went in and tried the shots and it worked!
Of course it’s almost 3:00 in the morning and I can’t sleep now, but I’m okay with that since I don’t have all the rest of the shit going on inside me. There’s always a good and a bad to every life experience, right?
If you are having any of the symptoms I had and you aren’t getting treated for it … take it from me, see your doctor and push for help. I didn’t have to push, the doctor believed I needed help. Yours should too. If your doctor doesn’t help you or acts like it’s all in your head — GET A NEW DOCTOR! Do not let your doctor bully you or make you feel stupid. This is your health you are managing, not his/hers. I have said it before and I’ll say it again, “Take control of your health!”.
Thanks for stopping by, leave me a comment, I absolutely love to hear from you!
I’ve had the tiredness long before Fibro. I was diagnosed with insomnia a few years before Fibromyalgia. My doctor has given me ambien which does help with the sleeping. I don’t feel I’ve to take it every day or that I’m addicted to it. I feel much better when I do take it as well. I feel refreshed. Most of the time. In addition, there are times when I don’t, but that’s normal with fibromyalgia. I’m taking Savella as well, and one thing I noticed was some of the side effects it has. It’s funny how it’s supposed to cure what you have, but it might end up making everything worse-like antidepressants do at times. I think it’s also the weather for me. It’s getting colder out and it’s harder for me. Making everything more painful.
Hi, My name is KIm.
Just found your blog as I am currently researching how to ease my fibrofog.
Got the pain part down to 1’s or less on normal days but the fog is kicking my butt and I’m looking for ideas.
Your blog was a good read. Glad to hear your getting yourself off of Cymbalta and the like, Cymbalta never worked for me. Most prescription meds don’t so I never bothered ‘letting’ or asking for any of the now pushed drugs from my provider who is more than willing to be my drug dealer.
I use natural, but I degress…the humidity is up (thank goodness I live in Arizona) and with the humidity the fog has increased.
I hope you get some sleep, I know it is rough without rest.
Hi Kim and thank you for leaving a comment. :)
I have not been to my blog for awhile, still coming back to life. It was the best decision I have made in a long time to go off the Topamax and Cymbalta. Both of those in hindsight seemed to have caused as many issues as I was trying to treat. I am doing a lot of reading (as always) to figure out what I want to do next. I am leaning towards all natural along with mindful meditation and yoga.
I am so blessed to have folks reading my blog and relating to it. It is always nice to know I’m not alone. If you have a moment, I’d love to hear what you are doing that’s natural.
The weather affects me so much, we were finally able to get approval with our gas & electric to get on a subsidized plan to allow for the heater or a/c to run without having to worry about paying the bill. I pretty much stay in the house most days unless the weather is perfect outside.
Thanks again for stopping by. Gentle hugs!