fibromite

by

Practicing What I Have Learned… Pain Management

I have had a lot of training about managing my life with pain over the last couple years. It’s not the learning that is the issue. The issue for me is the implementation. The challenge to change. The challenge to accept.

Instead of getting up and out of bed and going straight to my laptop to start working for the day, I need to make a change. I need to wake up and… with intention, get out of bed and do some gentle movement, read the bible and make time for prayer and meditation, eat some breakfast and take my meds… and then, and only then start working. I know this. Actually practicing this is my challenge. It all sounds great, but even writing it makes me anxious. When I get up in the morning, I am already anxious. Anxious to start my day. Just this morning, I woke up and really made myself do some Qigong. But I was anxious, I couldn’t get myself to get into a calm state and after a couple of minutes I gave up. The entire time from when I woke up to when I sat at my laptop, all I could think about was what I wanted to get done this morning. How do I get to that point where the motivation to change is greater than the anxiety?

I am taking this class at Kaiser and I am reading books and I am working on my deep breathing and some (not all) of my exercises… but at the end of the day I am afraid. I am off work for six weeks and you would think I would be afraid about going back to work. It’s not so much the going back to work that scares me as much as it is the going back to life. I am afraid that this is it. I have these expectations that at the end of these six weeks I will be changed and living a quality life. My fear is that, after these six weeks,  my life will still be “just getting through the day”. I want to live my life, not just get through the day.

I realized this week that the problem is… me. I do not say those words with ease. I mean, seriously, I am not a complete idiot (most of the time). I did and do know that I have to make changes to actually see change or in my case FEEL change… but I am talking about putting in daily practice what I have learned… what I know I know… it’s some hard work. To admit that I am the only thing holding me back… well… it sucks. I might have had this epiphany before. The great thing about not having a memory most of the time… is, well, not having a memory. I realized as I decided to get organized last night with all my paperwork from my classes at Kaiser from 2010 and today – shit! I have learned this before. That kept coming up in my mind over and over again as I was going through my stuff. I am not quite sure why I was so surprised… maybe frustrated and a little irritated with myself are better words than surprised.

So! What am I going to do about it? Well…

  1. Breathe
  2. Put together my Wellness Plan (what I will do on a daily basis)
  3. Breathe
  4. Make an agreement with myself how I will implement this Wellness Plan. Let’s be realistic, it’s been so overwhelming for so long, let’s (let’s?? I mean to say I will) take this in smaller steps so I can be somewhat successful.
  5. Breathe
  6. Take the first step…

Last night I also spent time revising my blog to incorporate more information in my Tools & Resources page as well as the page I recently added, Bay Area Resources. This also reminded me how much I need to incorporate practicing the tools I have learned over the years.

I will be patient with myself. It’s not going to be easy. I love the quick wins. Now it’s time for the long-term thinking and, Lord have mercy… practicing, practicing, practicing!

I can do this (repeat. repeat. repeat.). Seriously, I can do this. I will prove it to myself. I am the only one who matters in this instance as no one else can do this for me.

Thanks for listening and appreciate any thoughts you have from your own experiences.

Stay cool!

by

Thank you! HAWMC’S Most Riveting… Wow!

I woke up this morning and checked my blog and wow! I have hit 11,000 hits… this is so incredibly amazing to me. I would never in my wildest dreams imagine that people would read my blog, much less have 11,000 visits.

THANK YOU!

Just as incredibly cool to me, yesterday I received an email from Amanda Dolan, Editor at WEGO Health. I was awarded a Superlative Badge for the Most Riveting post in the 30 day writing challenge last month. I am proudly showing it off (on the side of my blog as well :) ! If you click on the badge you will see the rest of the winners.

Awesome day… surrounded by the most cool and awesome people on the internet! Thank you for the motivation and inspiration.

Stay super cool!

Tamiko

Here’s the posting that received the award for Most Riveting:

Day 2: Of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most…

For more information on WEGO Health, check out any of the following:

by

Waiting… and Waiting…

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. This is what I am doing this week. I was the lucky recipient of the “oscopy” twins, one up and one down… on Tuesday… seems like  a long time ago, yet it was just yesterday (for me, I’m still up as you can see at almost 2am). The waiting before going in for the procedure was not fun. After drinking that yummy liquid, I thought I was doing alright when BAM! Nausea along with a nice little migraine followed by the chills hit me like a mack truck. I wasn’t able to finish all that stuff. It was lights out and pray for sleep. Thankfully when the nurse asked me “So, did you drink all the Gavilyte?”, I promptly answered with “Yes” and there were no issues as a result of my giving up on the strict instructions.The actual procedure was a dream, with IV in my arm and drugs streaming down the line… I was out. I woke up, got dressed and went home… I honestly cannot remember most of that day. All I know is I am thankful that I didn’t wake up during the procedure!

So, now I’m back to waiting. Waiting for the results of my stomach and polyp biopsies. I am going to stick with the assumption that everything is all good to go. Although at the same time I’d like to hear “Well, you have XYZ, which explains all the problems you are having with all the rumbling and tumbling in your tummy as well as the anemia.” I don’t have high expectations that there will be answers, it seems there rarely are… oh, other than “Well it’s part and parcel with Fibromyalgia… or Depression…” On those days, when I walk out of the doctor’s office, I mostly feel deflated and question my wisdom with going to the doctor in the first damn place. This last round has been fruitful, in that I know I have anemia which is a good reason for my exhaustion of late. What I don’t know is where the blood is going or why this damn flare is going on… and on… and ON.

Oh these are fun times, right? I am working as hard as I can at work and still feel like I should be doing better. It’s tough when you know you used to be so … well … good at your job. Yes, I used to be good at my job. I just can’t remember when that was. I believe it was about 3 or 4 years ago. I’m not sure. I know I have had bursts of goodness, but those are definitely few and far between.

ANYWAY! Here I am. Waiting.

Tomorrow’s going to be the day that I get my results back.

I hope.

Stay cool!

by

Day 30: My Word Tree…

Today’s Prompt: Word Cloud. Make a word cloud or tree with a list of words that come to mind when you think about your blog, health, or interests.

Today is the last day of the WEGO Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge. I did it! As the final post, I have created this tree in answer to the prompt… enjoy!

by

Day 29: Six Sentence Story… A Perfect Day

Today’s Prompt: Six Sentence Story. In this day of micro-blogging – brevity is a skill worth honing. Can you tell a story and make it short and sweet? What can you say in six sentences.

A Perfect Day

The drive to the beach was filled with anticipation of the day to come.

Blue sky, fluffy white clouds, warmth from the sun and the smell of the salt from the sea brought memories from days gone by when I was a child.

As I sit in my chair, toes in the sand, I can’t help but smile as I watch the children splashing and playing in the water.

Buckets of sand, shovels digging, pebbles and shells are added and a castle emerges.

Hunger pains from playing for hours are satiated from the burgers fresh off the grill, the sweet corn on the cob and the perfect end to a perfect meal, melted and browned marshmallows on chocolatey graham crackers.

We put our sweatshirts on, sit back in our chairs and watch the sun set on a perfect day.

by

Day 28: The First Time…

Today’s Prompt: The First Time I… Write a post about the first time you did something. What is it? What was it like? What did you learn from it?

This is another prompt that requires the functioning of my brain. It’s somewhat challenging as I have laid in bed thinking about this for a long while (in addition to the time spent thinking yesterday and last night and the night before). Hmmmmm, first time… how did I feel, what did I learn…

I was hoping to finish this post this morning, but I have not had any inspiration whatsoever. I simply can’t think of anything to write about. So! This will the the first time I have not had any inspiration to write in the thirty days I have been writing for this challenge. After racking my brain for something that I did for the first time, I just came up blank. Nada. Nothing. Zero. Pretty sad and frustrating.

Not a very exciting “first time” to share… what can I say? With that said, I apologize for this uninteresting post. I hope you come back tomorrow and visit.

What I will tell you about this “first time”, I am motivated to try something different, something new. Always gotta find that “hope” in a situation like this. I think it’s time to do some paper crafting and gathering my thoughts about some new goals for myself. I’ll have to come back and share what I came up with.

Happy Saturday!