GUEST BLOG: Dear Wife and Fibromites… a letter from my husband

Hi everyone… my husband asked me if he could guest blog tonight. It came as quite a surprise as he’s been in the bed for the last few days. I would have thought the last thing he would want to do is be a guest on my blog. I share this with all of you and hope you have as wonderful a husband as I do! Please share this with your family and post your comments, we’d love to hear from you. – Tamiko

Dear Wife and Fibromites,

Thank you for letting me guest blog! So here I am, sitting in this empty bedroom, on my third day of pain. I have a pinched nerve that’s radiating down my neck to my back down my arm. I went to urgent care Wednesday morning in the most excruciating pain I have ever been in, (in my life). Once I got home, I barely made it up the stairs, then to top it off, I sat on the side of the bed in the most debilitating pain while I waited 2-2.5 hours for the Naproxen and Hydrocodone to kick in. Longest 2.5 hours ever! Now understand, I have a high tolerance for pain (so I thought) you see I’ve broken bones, torn cartilage, I even once played soccer for 2 weeks with an unknown broken foot!

So with that said, I thought I had a high tolerance. This pain was unfamiliar to my body, but very familiar to my brain. Hmm, where have I seen this familiarity? That’s right my wife! There have been many times when my wife could not make it up the stairs, could not move a muscle in her body without a grimace, and many times NOTHING would help. Holy shit, I am getting a “taste” of what she goes through as well as anyone else with that shitty ailment Fibromyalgia. Upset stomach because of the meds I HAVE to take in order for the pain to subside, have not eaten in 3 days, super sensitive to smell, constipation and nausea (TMI), but a big part of how I’m feeling. I have been waking up at night every 2 hours, awake for 1 hour, then sleep again for 2 hours. Just sickening! And the kicker is, I see zero light at the end of the tunnel. I am a walking zombie in pain right about now.

So back to my wonderful wife… all I can say is if you have a wife, spouse, partner, friend or family member with any type of chronic pain, I just realized you might never ever understand how or what they feel. And yes, this could be a boneheaded statement, because if your loved one tells you how they feel, you theoretically should understand. But you won’t, take it from me it’s been many years for me being on the non-pain side. But this little touch of pain I am experiencing right about now is letting me know what it really feels like (only if it’s just a few days) I actually feel like the idiot, selfish, self-centered husband, who supports my his wife, but was not really “getting it”. I have been in pain for 3 straight days (laughable to her 10 years) But I do understand just that much more. I always tell her how “I wish I could just take some of her pain away and have it go into me” I am re-thinking that right about now. This pain shit is no joke! My sensitivity level has just risen, my advocacy level has just risen, and my awareness level has just risen. I will listen more and I will help more, I will cook better foods for her, I will read more and I will educate myself more.

In summary, first off I can’t blog anywhere near how my wife can blog, but I thought I would just guest blog and share my great and terrible experience. Basically you think you know, but you don’t know. It is humbling and revealing all at the same time. If you are like me and have a wife in this life battle, hopefully you can just take a little from this blog even if it’s just to open your eyes that much more. So what needs to happen at this point is us non-fibromites need to stick together as well. We are the support system!

Thanks for listening.

Ray Arbuckle (husband and advocate of Tamiko Arbuckle)

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4 thoughts on “GUEST BLOG: Dear Wife and Fibromites… a letter from my husband

  1. I cannot recall how many times I’ve uttered the words ” I wish you could understand how I feel ” or ” if you could feel my pain for just a day you might understand ” It’s not that I wish this pain on anybody else but it does get frustrating when loved ones say things like they forgot I’ve had this illness for 20yrs. My housekeeper broke her foot so I asked my Mom if she knew anybody else, her response why can’t you clean it yourself your not working, is it that dirty? I was dumbfounded. I’m not working because I can’t work!! I’m always tired or in too much pain. Cleaning the bathroom the way it should be cleaned leaves me in bed for days. Washing floors on hands and knees is excruciating, after 20 yrs she still doesn’t get it???? Does she think I stay in bed all of the time because it’s so much fun?? Do people think I don’t attend functions or do anything fun because I’m lazy?? I wish that my kids wouldn’t be getting negative ideas about why I don’t function normally from my so called loved ones. The only people who understand are strangers with the same affliction but that doesn’t help me deal with the people in my own family.
    Tamiko you are etremely fortunate to have a supporting husband to begin with and now that he’s had a taste of pain he can truly appreciate your daily struggle. Such a shame that it takes something so brutal to make others realize we’re not just whiners, we are suffering and life like this is not fun.
    Thank you Ray for your blog, I will be printing this one to add to the others I’ve hung around my house…hoping one day someone will finally get it!!!

    • Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by and check out my blog. I love to hear from folks and your note made me hurt and happy at the same time. I am so sorry that you have had to feel the emotional pain of frustration on top of the physical pain. I hope that as time passes, so does the lack of understanding and ignorance… I pray things turn around to knowledge, support and most of all understanding.

      Thank you again for leaving your comments, it means a lot to me.
      Wishing you a pain free day… hugz!
      Tamiko

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