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Happy Mother’s Day!

Today’s the day for all of us to remember how amazing and blessed we are for our mothers. I have the most amazing mom. She is the strongest woman I have now or ever had in my life. Up against the craziest, worst battles, she stands strong and ready to fight, no matter what the challenge. I wish I had that kind of strength.

I realize, looking back, how independent and awesome she was as a mom. She would drive us, by herself from Oregon to L.A. without the blink of an eye. I remember driving in this storm that scared the hell out of me, raining so hard I struggled to see too far in front of the car, and she drove on. In my eyes, nothing got in the way of what she wanted. My mom cooked every day, did all the shopping, managed the house (and I remember the house always being clean)… and she still made time to craft and make the most amazing things.

I never realized how blessed I was to have this beautiful, crafty and smart person in the house. I was such a rebellious asshole, I didn’t stop to think about how much I could learn if I just stopped fighting my parents. I did everything I could to get out of the house as soon as I could… teenagers! Now that I have two, I really feel remorse for how I acted when I was young.

Skipping right to today’s life. My mom struggles with diabetes, restless leg syndrome and living in a post-kidney transplant world. She has had pain for as long as I can remember… she gave up her keys to drive a long time ago. Giving up the keys meant giving up her freedom and independence, I cannot imagine how difficult that was for her. Before that, I don’t remember a day where she ever just stayed at home. Not one day.

Aging is a bitch. You would think after living for so long, the reward would be to retire with your body and health intact. For many of us living in this world of chronic pain and illness, that is certainly not the case. After working our asses off for years, here we are just trying to get through each day, hoping to have the ability to walk around the block one time… with a smile (not a grimace).

I admire my mom. I still hope to one day be like her. She can make me crazy with frustration, but at the end of the day… she makes me laugh like a hyena and smile each and every time I spend time with her.

I wish all of you a most memorable and special Mother’s Day. Today’s your day to sit back and relax… be thankful for what you have now and enjoy.

Breathe.

Thanks for stopping by. Take care!

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Waiting… and Waiting…

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. This is what I am doing this week. I was the lucky recipient of the “oscopy” twins, one up and one down… on Tuesday… seems like  a long time ago, yet it was just yesterday (for me, I’m still up as you can see at almost 2am). The waiting before going in for the procedure was not fun. After drinking that yummy liquid, I thought I was doing alright when BAM! Nausea along with a nice little migraine followed by the chills hit me like a mack truck. I wasn’t able to finish all that stuff. It was lights out and pray for sleep. Thankfully when the nurse asked me “So, did you drink all the Gavilyte?”, I promptly answered with “Yes” and there were no issues as a result of my giving up on the strict instructions.The actual procedure was a dream, with IV in my arm and drugs streaming down the line… I was out. I woke up, got dressed and went home… I honestly cannot remember most of that day. All I know is I am thankful that I didn’t wake up during the procedure!

So, now I’m back to waiting. Waiting for the results of my stomach and polyp biopsies. I am going to stick with the assumption that everything is all good to go. Although at the same time I’d like to hear “Well, you have XYZ, which explains all the problems you are having with all the rumbling and tumbling in your tummy as well as the anemia.” I don’t have high expectations that there will be answers, it seems there rarely are… oh, other than “Well it’s part and parcel with Fibromyalgia… or Depression…” On those days, when I walk out of the doctor’s office, I mostly feel deflated and question my wisdom with going to the doctor in the first damn place. This last round has been fruitful, in that I know I have anemia which is a good reason for my exhaustion of late. What I don’t know is where the blood is going or why this damn flare is going on… and on… and ON.

Oh these are fun times, right? I am working as hard as I can at work and still feel like I should be doing better. It’s tough when you know you used to be so … well … good at your job. Yes, I used to be good at my job. I just can’t remember when that was. I believe it was about 3 or 4 years ago. I’m not sure. I know I have had bursts of goodness, but those are definitely few and far between.

ANYWAY! Here I am. Waiting.

Tomorrow’s going to be the day that I get my results back.

I hope.

Stay cool!

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Day 30: My Word Tree…

Today’s Prompt: Word Cloud. Make a word cloud or tree with a list of words that come to mind when you think about your blog, health, or interests.

Today is the last day of the WEGO Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge. I did it! As the final post, I have created this tree in answer to the prompt… enjoy!

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Day 29: Six Sentence Story… A Perfect Day

Today’s Prompt: Six Sentence Story. In this day of micro-blogging – brevity is a skill worth honing. Can you tell a story and make it short and sweet? What can you say in six sentences.

A Perfect Day

The drive to the beach was filled with anticipation of the day to come.

Blue sky, fluffy white clouds, warmth from the sun and the smell of the salt from the sea brought memories from days gone by when I was a child.

As I sit in my chair, toes in the sand, I can’t help but smile as I watch the children splashing and playing in the water.

Buckets of sand, shovels digging, pebbles and shells are added and a castle emerges.

Hunger pains from playing for hours are satiated from the burgers fresh off the grill, the sweet corn on the cob and the perfect end to a perfect meal, melted and browned marshmallows on chocolatey graham crackers.

We put our sweatshirts on, sit back in our chairs and watch the sun set on a perfect day.

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Day 28: The First Time…

Today’s Prompt: The First Time I… Write a post about the first time you did something. What is it? What was it like? What did you learn from it?

This is another prompt that requires the functioning of my brain. It’s somewhat challenging as I have laid in bed thinking about this for a long while (in addition to the time spent thinking yesterday and last night and the night before). Hmmmmm, first time… how did I feel, what did I learn…

I was hoping to finish this post this morning, but I have not had any inspiration whatsoever. I simply can’t think of anything to write about. So! This will the the first time I have not had any inspiration to write in the thirty days I have been writing for this challenge. After racking my brain for something that I did for the first time, I just came up blank. Nada. Nothing. Zero. Pretty sad and frustrating.

Not a very exciting “first time” to share… what can I say? With that said, I apologize for this uninteresting post. I hope you come back tomorrow and visit.

What I will tell you about this “first time”, I am motivated to try something different, something new. Always gotta find that “hope” in a situation like this. I think it’s time to do some paper crafting and gathering my thoughts about some new goals for myself. I’ll have to come back and share what I came up with.

Happy Saturday!

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Day 27: 5 Challenges & 5 Small Victories…

Today’s Prompt: 5 Challenges & 5 Small Victories. Make a list of the 5 most difficult parts of your health focus. Make another top 5 list for the little, good things (small victories) that keep you going.

  1. Foggy Brain

  2. Depression

  3. Digestion

  4. Exhaustion

  5. Attitude

You’ll notice pain is not in my list of 5 challenges. I can deal with the pain, it’s all the stuff that comes with it that makes my life hell. Pain doesn’t feel good, it’s not a friend. But… it’s physical. I can work with it most of the time. What is difficult are all the side effects that come along for the ride. I think my list is pretty self explanatory. I’m sure those of you with chronic pain can relate.

Never good to dwell on the negative. So, let’s focus on the positive. What are my 5 most recent victories?

  1. Writing this blog. This is a huge victory. I’m on day 27 and I haven’t missed a day yet. How awesome is that?
  2. Digging into my digestive issues. Tests, tests and more tests. I haven’t given up, although extremely frustrated, I’m determined to keep going until I finally get some answers. My victory here is eliminating all the things I could have had!
  3. Accepting that my pain is at a point where I need to make a change. I’m making a change. Today.
  4. I made dinner… yes, it was only one time. This is a pretty big deal in my house for me and I did it, giving me a tad bit more confidence for the next time.
  5. I started making 1001 cranes… and I have an idea for the design.

Well, here’s to five more victories next week! Have a great week-end and remember no matter how bad things seem, you deserve a pat on the back for your victories big or small.

Stay cool!

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