Is it really 2013? Where has the time gone… I have found myself thinking about my blog over these past months and having this strange adverse reaction to coming back to it and writing (or honestly, even looking at it). It’s a new day, a new year… sooooooo I decided why not a new theme? Personalizing a blog is not as quick and simple as I ever think it will be. In my mind… “hey Tamiko, how about working on your blog today? let’s change the theme and post a blog today!”. Ever so excited, I go about starting the process and about 1/2 through… hours later… my mind is now wondering what the hell I was thinking. So, I push myself and repeat over and over, “Persevere! I can do this!”.
I’m not totally thrilled with the themes available in WordPress, so I start thinking… “I should be able to create my own.” Seriously? I sit and think about this for a bit and then realize I am over complicating things once again. So back to the drawing board. Just pick a theme! Okay, check! Theme selected… now I have to customize it. Oh, honestly, I could drag this out for paragraphs. The thought process of implementing a new theme to my blog page and how this brain of mine works. Some scary stuff! At the end, without going into all the crazy details, you can see what I’ve done. Even more challenging is the actual writing. I mean I can attempt to make this thing look as good as I want, but without content, what’s the point? I have had writer’s block for months (as evident by my complete lack of posts for 4+ months). That is not to say I haven’t written anything. I have started many, many posts. Let me say that again, just so you know I really have tried… I have STARTED. Unfortunately, I get an idea… so far so good… I think on it for a little bit… and then POOF! Gone. Sometimes, I even get to the point of sitting down and typing… usually about 25% into it, I completely lose my train of thought. I re-read what I have and just feel like it’s BOOORRRRR-INNNNGGG. So, I shut my laptop and walk away. Frustrated. I decided when I first started to write this blog, that I would not write just to fill the page and post. I only want to share when I actually have something to say. When I need to vent or I feel like information would be useful to others or when I don’t want to feel like I’m the only one with these crazy thoughts, feelings, emotions!
Where has the time gone? August was when I last posted. I have had my good times and bad times over these months, but on the whole… I must say I am doing my best to live. I haven’t had to walk with a cane much and the wheelchair? Getting dusty. Life is always going to bring challenges. The weather is always going to change. There will always be some sad days. I have no control over that stuff. I can only control how I manage my stress, my emotions, what I eat and how much I exercise. The eating part still makes me want to jump off a cliff more than I would like, but I am trying to accept I can’t eat whatever I want. I mean… just because pizza, ice cream, spaghetti, garlic bread, mexican food… let me stop… wait, just let me finish this thought… just because my favorite foods are all enemies to my body… that’s no reason to complain, right? Wellllll… alright, I wont’ complain. Well… I will, just not to all of you. Especially since you are all facing the same stuff I am. I really am trying to find other foods to get excited about. I am not quite there yet… but I have hopes! Soy yoghurt… yay! Kashi Honey Almond Flax chewy granola bars… yay!
Well, at least one thing hasn’t changed. I am still soooo easily distracted! I started out this post with an objective of taking a moment to wish all of you a happy 2013 and congratulate you for making through 2012. Remember to pat yourself on the back for the small wins as well as the big ones. I am happy when I can get out of bed and shuffle to the bathroom in the morning… lol!
I hope you have your 2013 goals all ready to be achieved!I completed my new year’s project in January… new year, new goals:
Until next time… have a pain-free day!
Tamiko
my foggy brain 
glad ur bak Tamiko!!! we all need ur writing! we will all make it thru 2013…xo
Hi there mother of our grandchildren, Just want you to know that your blog is a beautiful piece of work, just expressing what you are going through is valuable to me and all that love you. You are on the “green side”! As Ray says, “it is what it is”, life is a grind and your grind is a little different. I believe you are connecting to a deeper level of life as your body is going through fibromyalgia. You are gifted with the ability to connect to your writing skills as you go through your episodes. Writing something would send a message to someone or many as they may not have the ability to think of what they may be going through or even write or talk about the symtoms as you have described yours. I urge you to keep it up, it is bigger then you can believe. Just be natural, no expectations, no home runs, no touchdowns and no soccer goals. This is what I have told Kiyomi, play your game, you have the skills, you have worked hard to be where you are, now just let go and have fun.
Your feedback about the status of uncle Ken was excellent, I did call, Ayako, Ellen, Bob and the facility not able to connect with anyone, then, I called Russel and followed up with our last conversation. I think that he has a better understanding about what to do in the future. Ayako called me later and we chatted about what Ken is going through, she has a good understanding of what to do in the future. She indicated that with the doctor’s input that Ken’s lucidity is gone, then, that is when the DNR will take place. I believe that is what I heard from you and I agree with you.
thanks for the blog, your beauty comes through with your sensitivity and clear mind, keep up the good work, dad