Day 30: My Word Tree…

Today’s Prompt: Word Cloud. Make a word cloud or tree with a list of words that come to mind when you think about your blog, health, or interests.

Today is the last day of the WEGO Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge. I did it! As the final post, I have created this tree in answer to the prompt… enjoy!

Day 28: The First Time…

Today’s Prompt: The First Time I… Write a post about the first time you did something. What is it? What was it like? What did you learn from it?

This is another prompt that requires the functioning of my brain. It’s somewhat challenging as I have laid in bed thinking about this for a long while (in addition to the time spent thinking yesterday and last night and the night before). Hmmmmm, first time… how did I feel, what did I learn…

I was hoping to finish this post this morning, but I have not had any inspiration whatsoever. I simply can’t think of anything to write about. So! This will the the first time I have not had any inspiration to write in the thirty days I have been writing for this challenge. After racking my brain for something that I did for the first time, I just came up blank. Nada. Nothing. Zero. Pretty sad and frustrating.

Not a very exciting “first time” to share… what can I say? With that said, I apologize for this uninteresting post. I hope you come back tomorrow and visit.

What I will tell you about this “first time”, I am motivated to try something different, something new. Always gotta find that “hope” in a situation like this. I think it’s time to do some paper crafting and gathering my thoughts about some new goals for myself. I’ll have to come back and share what I came up with.

Happy Saturday!

Day 27: 5 Challenges & 5 Small Victories…

Today’s Prompt: 5 Challenges & 5 Small Victories. Make a list of the 5 most difficult parts of your health focus. Make another top 5 list for the little, good things (small victories) that keep you going.

  1. Foggy Brain

  2. Depression

  3. Digestion

  4. Exhaustion

  5. Attitude

You’ll notice pain is not in my list of 5 challenges. I can deal with the pain, it’s all the stuff that comes with it that makes my life hell. Pain doesn’t feel good, it’s not a friend. But… it’s physical. I can work with it most of the time. What is difficult are all the side effects that come along for the ride. I think my list is pretty self explanatory. I’m sure those of you with chronic pain can relate.

Never good to dwell on the negative. So, let’s focus on the positive. What are my 5 most recent victories?

  1. Writing this blog. This is a huge victory. I’m on day 27 and I haven’t missed a day yet. How awesome is that?
  2. Digging into my digestive issues. Tests, tests and more tests. I haven’t given up, although extremely frustrated, I’m determined to keep going until I finally get some answers. My victory here is eliminating all the things I could have had!
  3. Accepting that my pain is at a point where I need to make a change. I’m making a change. Today.
  4. I made dinner… yes, it was only one time. This is a pretty big deal in my house for me and I did it, giving me a tad bit more confidence for the next time.
  5. I started making 1001 cranes… and I have an idea for the design.

Well, here’s to five more victories next week! Have a great week-end and remember no matter how bad things seem, you deserve a pat on the back for your victories big or small.

Stay cool!

Day 25: 3rd Person Post… My challenging conversation with… my brain

Me: So… I am participating in this writing challenge for 30 days about my health. Today’s prompt is to write a third person post about a memory I have had. I find this interesting since you can never remember anything.

Brain: Really? You are going to put all that on me?

Me: Of course I am. You are responsible for remembering everything, aren’t you? Aren’t you the smart one? So far, just trying to remember a conversation to write about today is not really working out. What can you recall from one conversation you have had in the last 24 hours that would be interesting enough to share?

Brain: ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm… welllllllll… thinking…..

Me: This is me waiting.

Me: and waiting.

Me: and waiting.

Me: and losing patience. I can’t wait all day, I only have today to write this post.

Brain: Give me a break! I work hard all day for you at your job and now you want me to keep working? When do I get to rest?

Me: You get to rest when it’s time to go to sleep. That’s when you are supposed to shut down.

Brain: That’s not fair! When you lay your head down to sleep, that’s when I go into action thinking about all the things that we need to do tomorrow and all the things we didn’t get done today. When else can I just sit back and do that? Other times of the day you have me working for your job or in conversation or doing whatever you need, always at your beck and call.

Me: Unfair? Seriously. If you don’t relax when the rest of my body is relaxing, it doesn’t work. My pain will never go away. I need to turn all the dials down. You really need to work with me here.

Brain: I’ll think about it.

Me: And you got me off topic. We are supposed to be remembering a conversation to share.

Brain: Wait, what? I forgot.

Me: … and that right there is exactly why you have been named “Foggy Brain”!

Day 23: breathe in… “let”… breathe out… “go”… (again)

Well, it’s my 23rd day of writing… I am so proud to have made it this far in the challenge! It’s a lot of writing and for those of you that are following me… a lot of reading. I really appreciate all the wonderful support during this month. Thank you!

I am really tired today and I have started and stopped this post SIX times… I am a little frustrated to say the least. Instead of forcing myself to write something that I don’t feel is worthwhile, I thought I would share a post from when I first started blogging. Hopefully this will make you laugh as much as I did when I experienced this!

Enjoy!

breathe in… “let”… breathe out… “go”…

originally posted November, 2009

Warning: I strayed from the regularly scheduled blogging and went with a more childish topic… I couldn’t resist…

So… I went to my Restorative Yoga class tonight, as I do every Thursday evening. Yet somehow tonight was going to be different.

I went to class and met up with my friend, there was only the two of us tonight. Usually there are three of us. Was this why things were different? As we enter into the yoga room. Very quiet, serene, candles lit… the lights are dimmed and I feel relaxed the moment I enter the room. I love this place. I look forward to it every week. It’s the one place I go to that I know my body will actually cooperate. I love this hour of relief that I get from my fibromyalgia. I go to my spot and put my mat down and apologize for dropping it just a bit too loudly on the ground. I whisper as I talk to my friend. It’s really warm in the room tonight. Is this what is different? No… wait, there are two men in this class. That’s different.

As I start to put my second mat down on the ground, I hear from behind me, the man laying on his mat let one loose… I mean he seriously RIPS ONE. wow. THIS is what is different.

I just keep talking to my friend like nothing happened. I’m going to give that man a one time gas pass. The class has not started yet. We are all warming up and hey… stuff happens! I’m going to let that slide. We all have our slip ups… you know, we’ve all slipped up.

The instructor comes in and we start warming up. For the next 10-15 minutes we stretch and do the normal breathing exercises to prepare for the restorative poses. I am relaxed and focusing on my breathing. The gas man is no longer on the brain.

Instructor: “Let’s get ready for our first pose.”

We all take our mats towards the walls and I get in the first pose. I am so ready to meditate.

Instructor: “I want you to just relax and let all the…….”

Gas Man strikes again… PFFFFFFFFFGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!The Gas We Pass

and again… PFFFFFGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!

and again… PFFGGGGHHHH!!!!!

and again PFFFFFFFFFFGGGGHHHHFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!

Instructor: “… stress of the week leave your mind… as you breathe in say “LET” and as you breathe out say “GO” …. “L…E….T………………G….O…..””

Seriously. SERIOUSLY??  Did he just say that? I mean I know he says that every week, but couldn’t he have come up with some new material JUST FOR TONIGHT? I was no longer relaxed. I was dying inside. I knew if I even whispered a laugh I was going to lose it. I would not be able to stop laughing. I would have to leave my favorite yoga place and never return. I would die of embarrassment for laughing like a 6-yr old at the gas man.

I couldn’t look at my friend, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t think about what happened. Here I was in my yoga class… NOT relaxing. I started to count… I started to think about funerals, arguments I’ve had, anything that would NOT make me laugh. I had another 45 minutes of class… this was going to be a long class…. this was a challenge. Thank goodness my other friend didn’t come, there is absolutely no way she would have been able to make it through that moment. That would have been  my last yoga class.

Needless to say… I did make it through and the rest of the class was quiet, thank goodness!

Well, it could have been worse. I could have been the one with gas!

Thanks for reading! Stay cool.

Day 21: Health Madlib Poem… Captain Barbossa and My Gut

I have had one hell of a week. I have been to the doctor just about every day, yesterday twice. I have had my blood drawn three times and I’m waiting for all these results to help figure out what the heck is going on. I have found out I have iron deficient anemia. Now it’s on for the search for where the blood has gone… is going and where it’s coming from. I gotta say, I am happy that there is a valid, medically tested and confirmed reason for why I am so damn tired and having such a hard time focusing. I never go to the dr. for these things as they have become a way of life for me… this was just a very good reminder to check in every once in awhile. Coincidentally, Adrienne Dellwo, writer for about.com’s Fibro/CFS page posted up this article about anemia and FMS the day I found out. If you haven’t stopped by her site, you are definitely missing a crucial tool in your resource box.

Anemia & Fibromyalgia: How’s Your Iron Level?

It’s funny, the doctors and nurses are amazed at how I am still working and generally still somewhat functioning despite the level of pain and this new found anemia. It’s been kinda nice to hear, considering I have been feeling so lazy and dumb for the past couple months. I don’t mean that in a critical way, it’s just the easiest way to say how I’ve been feeling… and it’s true. In actuality, I haven’t really been completely depressed about this (wierd, right?), sadly I think I just accepted the reality of FMS. Maybe some of the realities of this illness should not be accepted so easily.

Figuring out when to call the doctor and when to carry on is so difficult. We are all so used to leaving the doctor’s office feeling like “that was a complete waste of time” (and I usually have a word that begins with F in that sentence even though I am trying not to use words that start with F…). I think we all start to give up on ever feeling good again. I had definitely given up on even thinking I would feel good about eating again. I always feel, for lack of a better term… yucky. I really want to eat something (because I LOVE food!) and then when I do… I feel like crap after. I was telling my husband, it’s like when Barbossa is telling Ms. Turner in his quarters what it feels like to never really live or die and he explains… “The more we gave ’em away, the more we came to realize the drink would not satisfy, food turned to ash in our mouths, and all the pleasurable company in the world could not slake our lust. We are cursed men, Miss Turner. Compelled by greed, we were, but now we are consumed by it…“, he goes on to say “For too long I’ve been parched of thirst and unable to quench it. Too long I’ve been starving to death and haven’t died. I feel nothing…“. I sometimes wonder if i was on that quest and I took some of those gold coins. Someone please tell me where I put those (as you must know I forgot). I’d like to put them back.

For fun, here are a couple sites to see Barbossa’s quote:

Well, I should get on to what the prompt was for today since I am participating in the Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge. (Please visit WEGO Health’s blog and the WEGO Facebook page to find other writers tackling the same topics—or sign up for the challenge yourself!)

Today’s Prompt: Health Madlib Poem. Go to : http://languageisavirus.com/cgi-bin/madlibs.pl and fill in the parts of speech and the site will generate a poem for you. Feel free to post the Madlib or edit it to make it better.

Well….. I did this. I followed the prompt, went to the website and I gotta say… not impressed. This isn’t the best use of my blog, but I’ve already used my two “get out of post” cards.

This is the poem as it was turned out by the madlib…. like I said… not impressed. I look forward to the next prompt.

mysterious dog’s mysterious dog

ccarefully i have never imagine, loudly beyond
any bed, your fibromyalgia have their funny:
in your most adventurous palm tree are things which endure me,
or which i cannot listen because they are too quietly

your clumsy look somewhere will unovercome me
though i have photograph myself as rainbow,
you pretend always doctor by doctor myself as park sleep
(understanding accidentally, absentmindedly) her beautiful flower

or if your toy be to whisper me, i and
my hammock will escape very painfully, courageously,
as when the banana of this bed gather
the beach irritably everywhere promiseing;

nothing which we are to reach in this kitchen talk
the car of your quirky mom: whose dad
walk me with the sister of its brother,
runing illness and depression with each danceing

(i do not dream what it is about you that wish
and write; only something in me believe
the grandma of your fibromyalgia is strong than all park)
grandpa, not even the caterpillar, has such amazing monkey

– sing & e.e. cummings