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Wellness Workbook – Journaling your way to a healthier life!

It’s finally ready!!! I have been working on this Wellness Workbook for a while now. To be honest, I created it over a year ago and I am just now finalizing the document and sharing with all of you. Like many of you, I have tried many different medications, diets and I’ll call them “gimmicks” to alleviate my pain. At the end of the day, what works is what most of us already know… diet, exercise and most important (in my mind)… the ability to relax and manage our stress.

I originally created the templates in this workbook for myself as a way to document my goals for better health and, as important, hold myself accountable to working towards achieving those goals. I pulled it together from all the various books and materials I have read over the course of the years, various classes I have taken, and my personal experiences.

wellnessworkbookIncluded in the workbook:

  1. Wellness Wheel: tool used to help you discover opportunities for an improved quality of life and create goals based on those areas.
  2. Wellness Plan: worksheet for documenting your short and long-­‐term health goals and listing up to four key goals in the areas that you want to work on that will help you achieve your overall short and long-­‐ term goals.
  3. Flare Plan: worksheet for documenting the tools that help you, both physically and mentally, when you are in a flare. It helps to document these so you can just flip to this page and use the tools that you know will help you.
  4. Exercise Quick Reference Sheet: there are countless exercises you can do to help with your pain, these are just some of the stretches and strengthening exercises I use on a daily basis.
  5. Reference Information: information to help you better understand how to use the daily worksheets.
  6. Daily Wellness Journal: worksheet for you to document each day; your exercise, food, pain level and how you addressed your pain, gratefulness and memorable moments.
  7. My Priorities for Today…: worksheet to document your personal and work priorities on a daily basis.
  8. Automatic Thoughts Worksheet: template to help you manage your stress and negative thoughts.

I hope that it helps you as much as it has me. Please feel free to share with whoever you feel might benefit from this type of resource, I would just appreciate if you would send them to my blog to pull down the latest version. You can either click on the image above or go to my Tools & Resources page to download the workbook.

I would also love to get your feedback so I can continue to make improvements. You all know best what it takes to manage your health and I love to hear new and creative ways to have better days.

Stay cool and keep on smiling!

Hugz.

Tamiko

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Happy 2013!

Is it really 2013? Where has the time gone… I have found myself thinking about my blog over these past months and having this strange adverse reaction to coming back to it and writing (or honestly, even looking at it). It’s a new day, a new year… sooooooo I decided why not a new theme? Personalizing a blog is not as quick and simple as I ever think it will be. In my mind… “hey Tamiko, how about working on your blog today? let’s change the theme and post a blog today!”. Ever so excited, I go about starting the process and about 1/2 through… hours later… my mind is now wondering what the hell I was thinking. So, I push myself and repeat over and over, “Persevere! I can do this!”.

I’m not totally thrilled with the themes available in WordPress, so I start thinking… “I should be able to create my own.” Seriously? I sit and think about this for a bit and then realize I am over complicating things once again. So back to the drawing board. Just pick a theme! Okay, check! Theme selected… now I have to customize it. Oh, honestly, I could drag this out for paragraphs. The thought process of implementing a new theme to my blog page and how this brain of mine works. Some scary stuff! At the end, without going into all the crazy details, you can see what I’ve done. Even more challenging is the actual writing. I mean I can attempt to make this thing look as good as I want, but without content, what’s the point? I have had writer’s block for months (as evident by my complete lack of posts for 4+ months). That is not to say I haven’t written anything. I have started many, many posts. Let me say that again, just so you know I really have tried… I have STARTED. Unfortunately, I get an idea… so far so good… I think on it for a little bit… and then POOF! Gone. Sometimes, I even get to the point of sitting down and typing… usually about 25% into it, I completely lose my train of thought. I re-read what I have and just feel like it’s BOOORRRRR-INNNNGGG. So, I shut my laptop and walk away. Frustrated. I decided when I first started to write this blog, that I would not write just to fill the page and post. I only want to share when I actually have something to say. When I need to vent or I feel like information would be useful to others or when I don’t want to feel like I’m the only one with these crazy thoughts, feelings, emotions!

Where has the time gone? August was when I last posted. I have had my good times and bad times over these months, but on the whole… I must say I am doing my best to live. I haven’t had to walk with a cane much and the wheelchair? Getting dusty. Life is always going to bring challenges. The weather is always going to change. There will always be some sad days. I have no control over that stuff. I can only control how I manage my stress, my emotions, what I eat and how much I exercise. The eating part still makes me want to jump off a cliff more than I would like, but I am trying to accept I can’t eat whatever I want. I mean… just because pizza, ice cream, spaghetti, garlic bread, mexican food… let me stop… wait, just let me finish this thought… just because my favorite foods are all enemies to my body… that’s no reason to complain, right? Wellllll… alright, I wont’ complain. Well… I will, just not to all of you. Especially since you are all facing the same stuff I am. I really am trying to find other foods to get excited about. I am not quite there yet… but I have hopes! Soy yoghurt… yay! Kashi Honey Almond Flax chewy granola bars… yay!

Well, at least one thing hasn’t changed. I am still soooo easily distracted! I started out this post with an objective of taking a moment to wish all of you a happy 2013 and congratulate you for making through 2012. Remember to pat yourself on the back for the small wins as well as the big ones. I am happy when I can get out of bed and shuffle to the bathroom in the morning… lol!

I hope you have your 2013 goals all ready to be achieved!I completed my new year’s project in January… new year, new goals:

IMG_4053

Until next time… have a pain-free day!

Tamiko

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Day 21: Health Madlib Poem… Captain Barbossa and My Gut

I have had one hell of a week. I have been to the doctor just about every day, yesterday twice. I have had my blood drawn three times and I’m waiting for all these results to help figure out what the heck is going on. I have found out I have iron deficient anemia. Now it’s on for the search for where the blood has gone… is going and where it’s coming from. I gotta say, I am happy that there is a valid, medically tested and confirmed reason for why I am so damn tired and having such a hard time focusing. I never go to the dr. for these things as they have become a way of life for me… this was just a very good reminder to check in every once in awhile. Coincidentally, Adrienne Dellwo, writer for about.com’s Fibro/CFS page posted up this article about anemia and FMS the day I found out. If you haven’t stopped by her site, you are definitely missing a crucial tool in your resource box.

Anemia & Fibromyalgia: How’s Your Iron Level?

It’s funny, the doctors and nurses are amazed at how I am still working and generally still somewhat functioning despite the level of pain and this new found anemia. It’s been kinda nice to hear, considering I have been feeling so lazy and dumb for the past couple months. I don’t mean that in a critical way, it’s just the easiest way to say how I’ve been feeling… and it’s true. In actuality, I haven’t really been completely depressed about this (wierd, right?), sadly I think I just accepted the reality of FMS. Maybe some of the realities of this illness should not be accepted so easily.

Figuring out when to call the doctor and when to carry on is so difficult. We are all so used to leaving the doctor’s office feeling like “that was a complete waste of time” (and I usually have a word that begins with F in that sentence even though I am trying not to use words that start with F…). I think we all start to give up on ever feeling good again. I had definitely given up on even thinking I would feel good about eating again. I always feel, for lack of a better term… yucky. I really want to eat something (because I LOVE food!) and then when I do… I feel like crap after. I was telling my husband, it’s like when Barbossa is telling Ms. Turner in his quarters what it feels like to never really live or die and he explains… “The more we gave ’em away, the more we came to realize the drink would not satisfy, food turned to ash in our mouths, and all the pleasurable company in the world could not slake our lust. We are cursed men, Miss Turner. Compelled by greed, we were, but now we are consumed by it…“, he goes on to say “For too long I’ve been parched of thirst and unable to quench it. Too long I’ve been starving to death and haven’t died. I feel nothing…“. I sometimes wonder if i was on that quest and I took some of those gold coins. Someone please tell me where I put those (as you must know I forgot). I’d like to put them back.

For fun, here are a couple sites to see Barbossa’s quote:

Well, I should get on to what the prompt was for today since I am participating in the Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge. (Please visit WEGO Health’s blog and the WEGO Facebook page to find other writers tackling the same topics—or sign up for the challenge yourself!)

Today’s Prompt: Health Madlib Poem. Go to : http://languageisavirus.com/cgi-bin/madlibs.pl and fill in the parts of speech and the site will generate a poem for you. Feel free to post the Madlib or edit it to make it better.

Well….. I did this. I followed the prompt, went to the website and I gotta say… not impressed. This isn’t the best use of my blog, but I’ve already used my two “get out of post” cards.

This is the poem as it was turned out by the madlib…. like I said… not impressed. I look forward to the next prompt.

mysterious dog’s mysterious dog

ccarefully i have never imagine, loudly beyond
any bed, your fibromyalgia have their funny:
in your most adventurous palm tree are things which endure me,
or which i cannot listen because they are too quietly

your clumsy look somewhere will unovercome me
though i have photograph myself as rainbow,
you pretend always doctor by doctor myself as park sleep
(understanding accidentally, absentmindedly) her beautiful flower

or if your toy be to whisper me, i and
my hammock will escape very painfully, courageously,
as when the banana of this bed gather
the beach irritably everywhere promiseing;

nothing which we are to reach in this kitchen talk
the car of your quirky mom: whose dad
walk me with the sister of its brother,
runing illness and depression with each danceing

(i do not dream what it is about you that wish
and write; only something in me believe
the grandma of your fibromyalgia is strong than all park)
grandpa, not even the caterpillar, has such amazing monkey

– sing & e.e. cummings

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Day 17: Learned the Hard Way…

What’s a lesson I learned the hard way? Hmmmmmm, which lesson do I choose? There are so many possibilities.

A lesson I keep learning… the hard way… is that exercise makes a difference. Another lesson? That my diet makes a difference. It’s like I know what I am supposed to do, but my brain says otherwise. Take my meds everyday at the same time, manage my stress, manage my time… there are so many things I know I should do. So I guess I haven’t really learned my lesson(s)… yet.

I would have to say the biggest lesson I have learned is the “overdoing it” one. I am much better about stopping when I should, not over committing, holding back when I want to get something done. I realize the consequences of my decision mean I will be out of commission for days on end if I don’t restrain myself.

My perfect day on Sunday, we went to the zoo. Normally I would take my cane, but I knew there was no way I could make it from the car to the entrance without my pain making it so uncomfortable it would start the day off badly. I used a wheelchair. This is letting go of my pride to the infinite degree. I really just had to accept this was the only way I was going to get through the day and have fun. I can tell you, I was simply exhausted at the end of the day. The wheelchair saved me, but it didn’t alleviate the pain or exhaustion. I thought I’d experience less pain, but I didn’t allow it to ruin my day. I also didn’t overdo it. I had my perfect day.

It’s so easy for all of us to overdo it. Overdoing it can mean vacuuming the house or washing the clothes or making dinner. It could mean working a normal 8 hour day. Living within our boundaries is not easy. Trading one activity for another could mean working and not participating at our child’s sporting event. It’s not fair, but these are the decisions we are faced with. We need to feel okay about it or we tear ourselves up for it. I am not a bad mom, a bad wife, a bad employee… I’m not a bad person. I am someone living with a health issue and I’m doing the best I can.

The lesson I learned (and continue to learn everyday…)? Balance. I can say I’m sitting about even, feet dangling off the see-saw. I definitely have my up days … and my down days. I have learned, but the actual daily practice of this balancing act is crazy hard.

What about you?

Thanks for stopping by.

Tamiko

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Day 7: TUI… Talking Under the Influence

Do you TUI? I was thinking in the car today about the effect pain has on my communication. I realized I TUI, “Talk Under the Influence” and that’s not really a good thing. I’m talking about under the influence of PAIN. Sometimes it’s mental pain, but most of the time it’s physical. I get that there are not a lot of moments when I am not in some kind of pain. I try to manage my way through and be the best person I can, but being my “best” does not always result in … well… even a “decent” conversation by any standard.

So what happens? Most the time I fake my way through conversations, I have talked about that before. That works in most situations. Where it doesn’t work is in my relationship with my family. I generally muddle through and after think to myself, “Why did I say that?” or better still, “What did I just say?”. These moments are not fun for anyone. Reacting in a negative way to a simple question or blowing up over nothing… a better word to use would be – OVER reacting. In this situation everyone is frustrated. My kids look at me like I’m an alien from another planet, while I’m wondering (in the moment) “What the HELL is going on??”. I know I’m under the influence when the conversation goes:

Me: Please go XYZ

Child: ok

Me (5 minutes, okay maybe 2 minutes later): Why haven’t you XYZ?

Child: Chillax mom

Me: WHAT? What did you say to me? Why are you talking to me like that? Why haven’t you done what I told you to? When are you going to do it? Screw it. You’re grounded!

Child: Why do you always get so mad at me? I didn’t even do anything!

Me: … well words can’t really explain how I feel at that moment, mostly I think my heads going to pop off my neck at that point… until about 10 minutes later when I’m sitting there, alone. Wondering… wondering what the hell just happened.

Talking Under the Influence can really hit at anytime. I don’t usually know I’m doing it. The most telling factor is when I’m mid-sentence or mid-thought and I forget what I’m saying or even what the conversation is about. I can’t figure out the next word. Foggy brain in the purest form.

I get that relationships are challenging under normal circumstances. Add in a chronic illness, both pain and depression, and it’s not really a recipe for success. It takes patience and hard work. Work requires energy, which most of the time is non-existent (I’m talking about never having energy… work? That’s always there!). A pretty dismal picture when you think about it. I’m sure I’m not the only one who wants to give up at times. You have to really play the entire movie out at this point… so…. you throw in the towel, what do you have left? In my case, I’d lose my support system… but most importantly I’d lose the love of my life. Is it possible to start over or maybe even… refresh a relationship? To give up, to me, means that I have let this shit win. I won’t allow that. I realize most relationships end over issues with communication. I know this is always going to be a challenge, given our circumstances… the bottom line is I have a choice. I have a choice whether or not to give up and walk away (albeit slowly walking with a cane) or to fight for what is important and totally and completely worth saving. Don’t give in to those bad moments, step away and start over and try again. I have to keep the faith and fight (crazy expression… fight, that’s what got me into this situation to begin with, isn’t it? :).

It’s challenging to live life within the rules, dreams and goals I have for myself, when this outside shit keeps wanting to take over. I can have a great day, get out and about and have a fun joy-filled day… almost always, the following few days are filled with pain reminding me what I have… as if I’d forget. It’s most difficult to keep my head up during those days. I get angry and frustrated and it certainly doesn’t motivate me to keep going. I can spiral down that slide to the bottom of the well, far easier than I can climb myself out of it. It’s non-nonsensical. It’s important to keep perspective. What do I have in my life? I have family and friends who love me, I have the best kids in the world (I really do) and a wonderful husband. Things are tough and will be tough, once again it’s how you get through this shit that makes the difference.

I may TUI, but if the people around me realize what I’m working with, I just keep praying they’ll continue to love and support me. Keep in mind, if you can look back and realize the moments when you TUI, it may help you understand where things may have gone wrong in a conversation. Admitting that out loud to the people who you have had those conversations with… well, that’s another story! :)

Best of luck. Thanks for reading!

Gentle hugz.

Tamiko

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GUEST BLOG: Dear Wife and Fibromites… a letter from my husband

Hi everyone… my husband asked me if he could guest blog tonight. It came as quite a surprise as he’s been in the bed for the last few days. I would have thought the last thing he would want to do is be a guest on my blog. I share this with all of you and hope you have as wonderful a husband as I do! Please share this with your family and post your comments, we’d love to hear from you. – Tamiko

Dear Wife and Fibromites,

Thank you for letting me guest blog! So here I am, sitting in this empty bedroom, on my third day of pain. I have a pinched nerve that’s radiating down my neck to my back down my arm. I went to urgent care Wednesday morning in the most excruciating pain I have ever been in, (in my life). Once I got home, I barely made it up the stairs, then to top it off, I sat on the side of the bed in the most debilitating pain while I waited 2-2.5 hours for the Naproxen and Hydrocodone to kick in. Longest 2.5 hours ever! Now understand, I have a high tolerance for pain (so I thought) you see I’ve broken bones, torn cartilage, I even once played soccer for 2 weeks with an unknown broken foot!

So with that said, I thought I had a high tolerance. This pain was unfamiliar to my body, but very familiar to my brain. Hmm, where have I seen this familiarity? That’s right my wife! There have been many times when my wife could not make it up the stairs, could not move a muscle in her body without a grimace, and many times NOTHING would help. Holy shit, I am getting a “taste” of what she goes through as well as anyone else with that shitty ailment Fibromyalgia. Upset stomach because of the meds I HAVE to take in order for the pain to subside, have not eaten in 3 days, super sensitive to smell, constipation and nausea (TMI), but a big part of how I’m feeling. I have been waking up at night every 2 hours, awake for 1 hour, then sleep again for 2 hours. Just sickening! And the kicker is, I see zero light at the end of the tunnel. I am a walking zombie in pain right about now.

So back to my wonderful wife… all I can say is if you have a wife, spouse, partner, friend or family member with any type of chronic pain, I just realized you might never ever understand how or what they feel. And yes, this could be a boneheaded statement, because if your loved one tells you how they feel, you theoretically should understand. But you won’t, take it from me it’s been many years for me being on the non-pain side. But this little touch of pain I am experiencing right about now is letting me know what it really feels like (only if it’s just a few days) I actually feel like the idiot, selfish, self-centered husband, who supports my his wife, but was not really “getting it”. I have been in pain for 3 straight days (laughable to her 10 years) But I do understand just that much more. I always tell her how “I wish I could just take some of her pain away and have it go into me” I am re-thinking that right about now. This pain shit is no joke! My sensitivity level has just risen, my advocacy level has just risen, and my awareness level has just risen. I will listen more and I will help more, I will cook better foods for her, I will read more and I will educate myself more.

In summary, first off I can’t blog anywhere near how my wife can blog, but I thought I would just guest blog and share my great and terrible experience. Basically you think you know, but you don’t know. It is humbling and revealing all at the same time. If you are like me and have a wife in this life battle, hopefully you can just take a little from this blog even if it’s just to open your eyes that much more. So what needs to happen at this point is us non-fibromites need to stick together as well. We are the support system!

Thanks for listening.

Ray Arbuckle (husband and advocate of Tamiko Arbuckle)

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