Maybe There Are Just Too Many Maybe’s… Making Decisions With A Foggy Brain

Let’s say, for instance, you have to make a life altering decision. How do you go about thinking through this decision? Do you talk to your friends? Do you go in a dark room and think, think, think? Do you sit down and make a list of the pro’s and con’s? Do you talk to your counselor? Do you talk to your significant other? Do you talk to your dog? parents? What do you do?

Let me give you an example. You have the option to make a change that will make a significant difference in your income, your social life, even your daily life and will cause you to go through some pretty major positive and negative stress. You can either make this change OR you can keep  going in the life you have. The life you have is not bad. You make a pretty good income, you work with some of the best people on earth, you have some pretty major stress.

So, what’s the problem? Well, that was just an example. My question still remains. What do you do when you have a problem and you need to think it through? I struggle with this all the time when I have issues. With a foggy brain, when I try to figure things out… well, let’s be honest… I don’t get to the “figuring out” part. I start to do the research, but I have a difficult time reading through the policy jargon. The stuff that used to be so easy for me… this is the shit that I used to read through and help OTHER people understand. Now I’m the one that can’t figure it out. What. Happened. To. Me.

I have my good days when I can be a Lawyer! Of course these are my husband’s worst nightmare days. He should really pray these are the days he doesn’t get into an argument with me… because if I’m feeling good, I’m probably going to really want to use my brain! (God help him!) These are the days that I will willingly work 16 hours to get through as much email and paperwork as possible. I can process stuff very quickly vs. the normal time it takes. Quickly. This is how I used to work in the late 80’s and 90’s and early 2000’s bcp (before chronic pain).

I can remember those days. I used to work 16 hour days… everyday. I used to work 6 days a week… every week. My life was work, work was my life. Hmmmmm, I don’t think I should look back on those days and say “those were the good ‘ol days!”. There were definitely some GREAT days! I had a lot of fun working, I learned a hell of a lot… but I gave up a hell of a lot as well. I am certainly paying the price now. People still expect the same output or I should say, people would still like the same output. I also expect myself to be able to work like that. I still push myself to work those hours. I don’t know how to work an 8 hour day, stop working and then figure out what to do the rest of the time. Well, let’s be real here… after those 8 hours, I’m pretty much useless. BUT, IF I had energy after 8 hours, what would I do? I have no idea. There is so much to do… where would I start?

My problem is… I have so many things I want to do, I am overwhelmed. If I wasn’t working at all, where would I start? Where would I stop? How would I prioritize? The thing is… why think about it at all if there’s no chance at the moment?

So… again, I have this question about how to make this big life altering decision. I have this damn foggy brain. I have all these questions in my head. I am completely overwhelmed. I know there are all these processes you can use to make decisions… and well… I think when it comes down to it… maybe I’m just not ready to make this decision. Maybe I’m afraid. There are just so many Maybe’s.

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe I’ll figure out what I want to do soon.

But for tonight… I think I’ll go to sleep… and maybe, jussssttttt maybe, when I wake up I’ll have an idea of how to think through this decision!

Y’all stay cool! Thanks for reading…

tis the season… calling all fibromites! what’s your perfect christmas present?

today is december 7th and i can promise you, telling you i have a lot to do is the definition of an understatement. i am not going to be hard on myself. there’s no whip cracking (wait a minute! mayyyybeeeee that’s the sound i keep hearing… let me check, just give me onnnnnneeeeee second… nope, that’s definitely just the rain outside. whew! i got scared for a second there!), as i was saying i am on my own schedule. i put the pressure on myself every year.

i have this crazy idea that i want to make presents for people. i love love love to give people gifts. in my next life i’m coming back as santa. (to the one above, let me be specific… when i say i would like to come back as santa… i mean THE santa, not the homeless guy in nyc or any other person with that same name… i mean THE one and only the big guy that ‘makes the list and checks it twice, gonna find out whose naughty and nice’ please let us not do any funny play on words… thank you very much!) again, as i was saying, if i was a bazillionaire (this is a real word in my dictionary), i would just find ways to give away without involving all the politics… yet i digress.

in making all these gifts, every year, down to the wire… i always end up working around the clock. this is the first year i’m dealing with my pain levels being so crazy bad. this is the year my fibromyalgia decided to come and visit… and never go home (if you say it with that deep scary voice, it is much more effective and entertaining). last year was pretty bad, this year… let’s just say… prettier badder… or even prettierest badderrest!! okay shit… it just effing sucks but it’s christmas time and i’m trying not to say bad words and i just did and now i feel bad!!

so what was the point of all that anyway?

hmmmmmm my title says “tis the season… calling all fibromites! what’s your perfect christmas present?” what was i going to say… (the sound of my foot tapping does not help me remember oddly enough)… oh yeah! seriously… this is real time and i sadly did forget what i was writing… that was foggy brain at it’s best. you have just witnessed my foggy brain in action. whew! back to my blog.

what i want for christmas! geez i better type fast before i forget again… i want the perfect organization system for foggy brains. let me explain so you know what i mean:

  • something i can carry with me 24/7 in my purse
  • something i can write in and journal as i think (so i don’t forget!)
  • place to take down work notes while on calls or in meetings
  • calendar tickler to keep my work and personal key dates coming up
  • place to take down work and personal actions/ to-do’s
  • reference information that i need to keep either for work or personal
  • i would like to keep my work and personal separate

i have an iphone so i don’t need to keep contacts and i also have my calendar in my iphone for reminders… but i am a visual person i don’t remember unless i physically write things down to feel and see myself write it down… and also… if you have an app for that (hahahaha…. say it… say the commercial “i have an app for that!”) let me know, i’d love app suggestions for my iphone as well, i have tried GTD, OmniFocus, and i can’t remember what else…

if you have made something, i’d love to copy it… if you have thought of making something, i’m taking ideas…

i love stationary… i’m kind of crazy about paper, i think that’s why i love to scrapbook and love stationary stores… i have looked at tons of personal organizers (in weight.. really, i bet the total is probably 1/4 of a ton, what… does that seem like a lot or too little?). why the crazy look on your face?

this is my dream… to create the perfect organizer for people like me. an adhd foggy brained fibromyalgia chronically depressed insomniac scrapbooking crazed mom! if that is not the best description… man the next time i’m in a work meeting and someone says “why don’t we start by going around the room and introducing ourselves”, what do you think? should i start with that?

thanks for reading! stay super cool!

happy holidays!

ps. i thought i’d share some sites with you that may be useful to you fibromites/cfs peeps during the holidays:

pps. if you just need a serious laugh… (not for the politically correct folk), check out my most favorite place to go when i really need some relief from pain. she makes me laugh out loud every single time i read her blog:

ppps. if you actually read all the way to the bottom of this… i know that i could have matched my pictures to my blog a little better (like a diary or an organizer but i haven’t found the perfect one so that actually would not have made sense… hmmm), but i love my dog and any excuse to use her holiday pictures and i’ll take it… and really, it is my blog right?