foggy brain

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My Mom and I Sport Matching Canes & I Want to Tattoo this on my Children!!

If you all go back into your memories and think about how you were raised, the moments that stick out into your mind… what do you remember that relates to your health today? What should you remember? What is that you want to communicate to your children that they may want to keep in mind as they grow older?

I went to lunch with my folks yesterday and one comment the manager of the restaurant said stuck in my mind… he said something like “I like how you two sport the matching canes!” From that comment, this post was born…

I remember, when my mom was my age, she certainly was not using a cane. She was in much better shape than I. When my grandmother was my mother’s age now, she certainly was not using a cane, she was in much better shape than my mother. It amazes me how the health of the three of us have deteriorated between the three generations. My grandmother was in really good shape until her 90’s. I don’t see that for myself. How is it that my grandmother lived to her late 90’s and both of my aunt’s have passed away already? They were not even into their 80’s! As I look into the past, this is what I  remember…

  • In my childhood years, my mother used to do all the cooking and cleaning, driving us around, in addition to all that, she was also very active in a non-profit group with my father.
  • In my high school years, I remember my mom working and running errands and helping us do whatever needed to get done… her life had to be frustrating dealing with 2 teenagers in the house! She was working at a medical clinic and still doing the cooking and cleaning. I was not paying much attention, I was a selfish teenager just paying attention to myself. I can somewhat appreciate my son’s attitude as he graduates from high school this year. I was a bit more oblivious than he is!
  • After I moved out, I noticed my mom took a lot more naps in the afternoon and tired a lot easier. It’s hard to work, take care of a house, and cook. I think she stopped cooking as much as her lack of energy didn’t allow her to do it all. Completely understandable.
  • As I started having children, my mom’s health really started to decline. She had to stop driving and her eyesight was not as good as it used to be so she was not able to enjoy the hobbies she once used to love. Now quality of life was so different that it once was. I can definitely relate to this.

I know through all of these years, there was a hysterectomy, hypoglycemia, diabetes, kidney transplant, plus a lot of stuff going on with her eyes… all the while my dad has had his own medical issues to deal with.

When I think about all this, I sit back and want to tatoo this on my children.

  1. Exercise, exercise, exercise!!!
  2. Please, eat a balanced diet… don’t go crazy, just eat good foods!!!
  3. GET EDUCATED!
  4. Never be too proud!!!
  5. Have fun, tomorrow is not promised, don’t take life or people too seriously!!!

Honestly, there have been many moments in my life where I have let things get to me and bring me down for WAYYYYY to long. I mean, really… REALLY? Was it worth it? HELL NO! Let’s be serious. I wasted that time just being angry.  So as I said… wasted time! Stop wasting time being angry and get over it!

I have definitely wasted moments in my life not getting educated vs. getting an education. That may sound strange, but instead of actively learning I would honestly sit in class and just not pay attention. If you have the opportunity to learn – pay attention and get educated!! I just had a really hard time, I believe I was depressed and I let myself fall further and further behind and never raised my hand up and said I needed help. I was too proud. Never be too proud. Especially if you have chronic pain. That is one thing I have learned in so many ways… over and over and over and over again!

Moral of the story? The time you have is valuable, use it wisely.

  • Live, love and laugh!
  • Don’t be too proud to ask for help so you can use your energy to have fun vs. washing the dishes or cleaning the house.
  • Get educated, we are the best advocates for chronic pain and fibromyalgia, let’s keep pushing the knowledge out there!

Does this make any sense? Let me know.

Thanks for stopping by my foggy brain blog. It’s been one hell of a painful week. I end this vacation wishing I had another week off, but accepting I don’t. Thanks for all the support!

Big HUGE thanks to Teia Hassey for my Sugar Doll award, that has totally made my vacation week!! Everyone check out her blog, it’s awesome!

Just Breathe – Life changing experiences with tibial torsion, ovarian cancer,vertigo,tinnitus,and Fibromyalgia. My quest for happiness.

Stay cool!

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Fibromyalgia, Vacation and What Was I Thinking?

Sooooo, I thought I’d go on a little vacation and relax. What the hell was I thinkin’?? I worked my ass off all last week in the office leading a staff meeting (remember that was my 70 hr work week) and then this week was the week I took vacation. Good idea? Ummmm, hell no! I am doing my best to relax, but I am in the most excruciating pain ever. Can y’all say F-L-A-R-E U-P??? Say it with me… FLARE UP!!

OMG! As my daughter says to me all the time as she rolls her eyes at me. This is really painful. For the first time ever, I really wish I had a wheelchair. Shit. Did I really just say that? Oh and get this, I actually said it out loud earlier today. OUT LOUD! I said it to my husband. “Do you think they rent wheelchairs?” I just wanted to suck it back in after I said it. While at the same time, I wished I had one. Lord have mercy… I mean it. WTF? I mean it. Please. Have Mercy.

So I am in the most beautiful place on earth. Okay, maybe not on earth… but as far as I’m concerned it is as far as I will be going on earth for a really really long time. So it’s the most beautiful place on my “earth”… Santa Barbara. We came to look at my son’s future college, UC Santa Barbara. Let me just say this… I am proud of what I have accomplished while we have been here. We arrived on Tuesday morning. Here’s the deal:

Tuesday, 4:15 I wake up… we leave about 5:00am (again OMG! it is really early!!), drop Tani off at my folks house and get the hell out of dodge, arriving at UCSB at 10:00. So, I start my day off with a long drive in the car. NEXT… a long walking tour of the campus. I thought I was going to die. My cane and I followed this happy sophomore guide as fast as I could go… at the end? Well, let’s just say I could barely move. Where was the car? Ummm on the other side of the flippin’ campus. My foggy brain was not functioning, my son was off somewhere else, my daughter was leading the way and that was interesting as we took the long way back to the car. Needless to say… ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

What is the moral to this story? If you have a really long, hard week… and you KNOW it’s going to be a really long, hard week. How about planning your vacation away from that really long, hard week so that you have a chance of NOT having a flare up while on vacation??

In my case, I didn’t really have a choice since I had to plan my vacation to coincide with my kids’ spring break. I’m not letting it ruin my vacation though! I am still doing what I want, I’m just working through the pain.  I was hoping my flare up would be done before we started our trip, unfortunately it has progressively gotten worse… so I just keep doing my exercises and the stretches that I learned in my pain program and carry on! Y’all know how I am. Stay positive, and keep on going!

If we let this fibromyalgia/ chronic pain stop us… we would never do anything! I am in this beautiful place, the weather is sunny, blue skies, perfect temperature… I really couldn’t ask for more. I am blessed to be able to come here, so I am not complaining. I love it! What I am saying is, in the future… it’s all about timing.

It’s all about PACING ourselves. I just need to keep reminding myself of this. Pace, pace, pace, the number one challenge I need to conquer.

Well, once again, thanks for stopping by! Please let me know what you are thinking about!
Stay cool!

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Reach One, Teach One: This video on Fibromyalgia is Amazing!

I read a lot of information on chronic pain and specifically Fibromyalgia. I personally feel like I am pretty educated. I just finished going through an awesome 10-week Level II Chronic Pain program through Kaiser (which I highly recommend to anyone who has Kaiser, send me an email if you want more information on this).

The video in the link below is of Dr. Sean Mackey, Chief of the Pain Management Division from the Stanford University Medical Center, he gives a detailed presentation of Fibromyalgia/ Chronic Pain that is just amazing… I generally have the attention of a gnat, I watched this entire video… IN ONE SITTING! I kept wanting to look away, or put my laptop down and do something else, but I was so intrigued by the information I stayed glued to the screen. He provides the answers to:

  • What is Fibromyalgia?
  • What are the symptoms?
  • What are some of the treatment options?
  • What is pain?
  • How should fibromites/ chronic pain patients be treated?
  • Alternative therapies
  • Latest studies
An Update on Fibromyalgia

http://www.researchchannel.org/prog/displayevent.aspx?rID=28078&fID=345

Tip: If you watch directly from the site (and don’t download the video), you will get the video with closed captions which is really nice to follow along with Dr. Mackey as he speaks.

The date of the video is October, 2008

Running time: 1:14 (well worth the time!)

You will learn everything you need to know about FMS in a language that anyone can understand. He is positive and I felt almost uplifted watching this even though the information was sometimes difficult to hear. He knows his stuff!

Encourage your friends and family to check this out so they can better understand what you are going through.

Thanks for reading, I hope you find this helpful!

Stay cool!

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How Do You Recover?

How do you start your day? If it starts out good or bad, does that determine how the rest of your day will go? Do you have the ability to turn your bad day around if and when it turns sour?

I tell you… with chronic depression, it’s like climbing up Mt. Everest carrying a 100 lbs. of cement on my back to turn a bad day — to good. Some days it just doesn’t work out. Some days the depression just hangs around like the cloud of dirt around Pigpen. Some days I am able to turn it around.

Yes, I take medication. I take medication to help me manage my pain, my depression and to help me sleep. I remember what it was like without medication. I know I don’t want to go back to those days. I hate putting these pills into my body. Every time I have to refill my pill boxes, I hate it. It cause me to go down a bit, but I have to remember that in the end it helps me. I sleep better, It helps me walk, work, spend time with my family… it helps me be human.

I worked about 70 hours this past week. I had a colleague tell me on my fourth work day at our business dinner, when I finally gave in and used my cane, that I didn’t need to use my cane, that I had walked fine all day without it. Nice. It still kills me to have to use a cane, and it’s always nice to get comments like that on top of my own pride. By Friday I could barely stand up. A few hours into the day I just lost it and during the meeting started to tear up. Really nice. Nothing like being in so much pain and so exhausted you just can’t do anything but cry… while at work with your entire management team.

How do you recover on these days? I’m not sure I did on those days. Exhaustion is difficult to recover from without just laying down and going to sleep. It’s Sunday now and I have spent the last 48 hours since coming home from work on Friday basically in a complete fog. I have either been asleep or laying down only to get up to go watch my daughter’s soccer game and to take her to the store. To go watch her game was so fucking painful, I really had a hard time even watching. So five days of work, 2 days of sleep. Normally tomorrow I’d be going back to work, thankfully I am on spring break with the kids. This has been my schedule for the last few months.

So… again… how do you recover on these days?

  • You pray
  • You rest
  • You give yourself a break
  • You relax and take care of yourself
  • You smile
  • You laugh
  • You remember it’s just one minute, one hour, one day… you don’t look past right now

That’s what I need to do.

Take care of you.

Thank you for stopping by… please share with me how you recover.

Stay cool.

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Fibromyalgia and Doing “IT ALL”… What Do You Think?

Okay… here’s the thing. I’m just going to say it. I don’t get how people with chronic pain manage to do “IT ALL”. I am sitting in the kitchen that I made a mess; because I don’t want to sit at the desk that I left a mess; because I don’t want to sit in my bedroom that I left a mess. Honestly, there are not that many rooms left in the house. My son’s room smells like something or God forbid someone died in. My daughter has friends jumping around, hopefully not breaking the furniture in her room, and it is extremely loud in there so I wouldn’t be able to concentrate. My one sanctuary room, “the living room” in a very deep booming voice), I kind of have not allowed myself to go in so I don’t ruin it… you know the room I’m talking about. When you were growing up, it was the room that had the plastic covered furniture in it. The room no one was allowed to actually enjoy themselves in. Only grown ups were allowed in there, and only on special occasions. Sooooooo, when I grow up, I will let myself go in there! Until then, it’s just for special occasions… and I haven’t yet forced the plastic over the furniture… don’t push me, I might just go there! (if I was reading this out loud to you I would say “

Back to my topic… I can’t even stay on topic, much less do “IT ALL”, which of course IS my topic! whew! This is starting to confuse me (which as you know is not too difficult to do…). So! Since the holidays, I have had one hell of a time finding time to

  • tweet,
  • blog,
  • work my full-time+ job,
  • eat right,
  • spend time with my family,
  • exercise/ do my physical therapy,
  • read,
  • research fibro,
  • spend time with God (which should be #1),
  • spend time with family/ friends
  • paper craft

Obviously the must do’s always get done because they have to. Once prioritized, I thought it looked like this:

  1. work

Then I sat here for a while… and I decided I would rearrange things a bit. One priority just sucks… and it’s selfish and stupid, not to mention it’s not much of a life and I refuse to make that my life (did you say that in one breath?)! At one point in my life, that is actually how I lived… yes, I know, it is very sad, but true. I refuse to let that be the case now!

So, here’s what I will work on… AGAIN (because I keep forgetting and hopefully this time I will pay attention!): IN THIS ORDER…

  1. God
  2. My health
  3. My family
  4. My job
  5. My papercrafting

In between those things, I will tweet and blog. I will do my best and I will accept I can’t do it all. If I’m successful, I will get less and less of those looks from my husband where he’s shaking his head like I’m crazy because I’ve just taken on the world. If I’m successful… I. Will. Be. Content. Because I am content, I will have less flare ups… you see? I do get “IT”, I just have to accept that I am not Wonder Woman and I can’t do “IT ALL”. Those are two totally different things. But seriously, if I was Wonder Woman… I would totally dig that plane she had.

What do you think?

Thanks for reading. Stay cool!

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Don’t let chronic pain steal your joy… My challenge to you: Enjoy life in 2010

I have started and stopped this blog at least fifteen times now. I have deleted four or five blogs completely, for this blog you are reading now I have erased sentences, paragraphs and entire pages before getting to the point of actually posting this one. I’m not sure what my problem is, I just have not been feeling the writing mojo in 2010… until now.

I cannot believe it is 2010… two-thousand-ten or twenty-ten or two-thousand AND ten or however the heck you want to say it! First, let’s get the awkwardness out of the way… YES I changed my look on my blog! Whew! I am one of those people that has to change things. I move the furniture (in the middle of the night I might add), I want to change the paint colors on the walls, I change my desk around, I always want something different! here again, easily distracted… now you know why! I love the feel of “brand new”. I thought, “new year” => “new look” to my blog. now that that is out of the way! Oh and before I forget… I also think I better start using my capital letters the right way. I am going to work for a “new” company soon, so I better think of it as a “new” job. I should start getting used to typing better in case I really really have to get a “NEW” job if you get my drift!!

So! There is a lot of newness going on in 2010. To be honest with you, and I feel I can be honest since you are all my virtual friends and family, I don’t like change. I like tradition. I like “brand new” added to tradition. I. don’t. like. change. Funny, I always thought I liked change, but now I realize I like “brand new” which is not the same thing as “change”. I will say this. I adapt well and I can be pretty darn flexible. I just fear the unknown. I said it. I don’t like change. I can move on now. It will take awhile to accept that, but at least I know.

I am still working on what I want my goals to be for 2010. The last couple years, in fact, the last three to five years have been tough ones for me. I have lost many loved ones and my health has not been great (understatement). I know one of the areas I really want to work on is just living above all the sadness and really getting into life and making 2010 all about living life at the fullest! I haven’t gardened in years, I haven’t done things just to have fun in a long time. I want to laugh and have fun and remember those people that have passed on in a fun/ loving way and be done being sad. I want to enjoy scrapbooking again. I want to enjoy working and enjoy living. I want to learn how to “LIVE” again. I don’t want fibromyalgia to take over my life. I don’t want chronic depression or any other medical condition to rule how I live. I understand this will not be easy, but I will take one day at a time and know that there will be days when things won’t go so good and on those days… doing something fun will be the most important part of my day!!

It’s interesting, in my Level II Chronic Pain program this past week, one of the homework assignments we received was to do something we enjoy every day… one of the people in the class said “everyday?” as she read the list that was provided as an example… we just seem to forget what it’s like to enjoy life when we are in pain.

Can you do something everyday that you enjoy? It can be something as simple as having coffee in the morning while you read the morning paper or playing games on facebook or something that requires more energy like going for a walk or seeing a movie… whatever you want! This is all about Y-O-U!

I have my homework that I’d like to make a habit instead of just homework… that’s my challenge to you!

Thanks for reading. Stay cool!